Monday, October 6, 2008

Your Time in Limbo is Officially Over! Welcome to Hell.

I've read a decent amount on the internet about miscarriages. They all say about the same thing. That you will have heavy bleeding and uncomfortable cramps. I don't know what kind of happy-go-lucky miscarriages those people were having when they wrote that, but I am here to tell you about my miscarriage. Every disgusting, TMI, horrible detail.

Last night. 9pm.

Stomachache. Not comfortable. Fell asleep.


Woke up. Stomach was not so bad. Went pee. Started spotting. Great. Perf. I texted Lloyd who tried to remind me that spotting was normal and there's still hope. All I could do was be positive. And drink lots of water.


Cue heavier bleeding, and me being pissed off. I was still at home at this point, about to make my way back to Denton. I knew it was starting and would probably get worse, so I took off. Called Lloyd who was at a friends house in NRH. I ended up going over there.


Hung out with some truly wonderful people. Bleeding heavily all the while. More and more heavily as the night went on. Cramps were moderate to bad, but still bearable. I started passing lumpy, bloody clots (mm I know you were excited to hear about those)..Lots of them. Said bye to Lloyd. Lots and lots and lots of crying. Very sad. Went back to Denton.


Hung out with Jamie. Went and bought pads. Huge ones. Because oh man. The bleeding. Imagine having 5 periods at once. With lots of clots. Clotsclotsclots. Jamie and I decided to go to bed. Jamie went into her room and I chose to sleep on the couch. Fell asleep. Probably on pad 6 or 7 by now.


Woke up every 5-15 minutes, went to the bathroom to hopefully rid myself of the cramps that were encompassing my lower abdomen with so so so much pain. I've had kidney stones twice. Those are horrible. This was just as bad, sometimes worse. The cramps radiated from my chest to my thighs. Horrible. So much blood. like a water fountain of blood, every time I was in any sort of upright position. I called my mom. No matter how old you are, sometimes you just need your mom. She got there and gave me extra strength tylenol and xanax. I finally was able to fall asleep.


"Lacey our cars got towed."Awoke to this lovely sentence, sat straight up as quickly as possible, shouldn't have- laid back down, even more defeated. Great. No cars. 160 each to get them out. Cash only. Between the three of us we don't have 320 dollars. But eventually it gets taken care of. Cramps have subsided. Bleeding as well. Eat a bit of lunch. Breakfast. Whatever it is. Called the doctor to make an appointment. Left a message.


Got the cars back. Got the cramps back. Finally got a call back from the doctor. Have an appointment tomorrow at 130 to make sure everything is going well. I mean as well as they could. You know. Took more tylenol. Mom is about to leave... Two best friends are on their way to be with me. There's just nothing for anyone to do, but it is so kind that they want to be here for me, just to be here.

That's all for now. We're pretty much caught up to now. A different nurse called me and was very kind. She went through this last month and gave me tips to help with pain. She was helpful. I am not looking forward to the next few days. As she said, the worst seems over, but I haven't passed the fetal tissue yet, and apparently that will be the worst part.

Emotionally I am just.

On xanax. So we don't have to worry about that at the same time as the pain. Ha.


Tuesday Night. 4am. The cramps returned. GAHHHH.... So horrible.

If we were going about this pregnancy from my last missed period, which we should've in the first place- I lost the baby at exactly 10 weeks 1 day. Just. Really sad.

The cramps have subsided again (tuesday- 1130am), but the bleeding is still there. Steady, not heavy, and clotty. Lovely. I have yet to go to class or work. Lloyd will be here tonight, and Jamie Shaie has been PERFECTLY amazing. I've been staying at her house. We pulled out the couch bed and I've been chilling on it. I am so blessed to have so many close friends. Part of me really wants to be alone, but part of me never wants to be alone again. It's a pretty obnoxious tug of war going on in my head...


tejanamama said...

I'm so so so so sorry honey!!! :( I'm really saddened reading this. I cannot believe there is that much blood for that long. I had two early losses that were no where like this (a week or two earlier than yours). I cannot imagine! :( I'm glad your mom was there and lloyd and your friends. You need all the love right now and I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. I'm really upset about this. I was hoping for some other outcome :( I appreciate you taking the time to share with those of us who were waiting to hear. Just sad that this is what it is we were waiting for ... Be well. Take care of yourself. Greive. and be with people who love you. **hugs**

Marcy said...

Can't they do a D&C? I thought that was pretty much standard for miscarriages, and then you wouldn't have to sit and wait for the rest of the tissue to come out.

I am so so sorry. =(

Anonymous said...

What kind of piece of sh!t doctor do you have that she can't see you until TOMORROW?!?

And why are people letting you drive all over the DFW Metroplex and beyond when you are in this condition? Lloyd let you leave his house at 2:00am, bleeding and in pain (let's leave all the emotional stuff aside for the moment), to drive from NRH to Denton???

I'm sorry.

For all of it. I hope it's over soon. Let your friends take care of you. And screw the doctor, go to the emergency room. They have to be able to do something, if nothing else give you some heavy-duty painkillers or sedatives... dunno.

Amanda said...

Love you and hope ... just a big serving of hope, honey. So sorry. Being a girl/woman/mom is emotionally and physically devastating, sometimes. XXXO A