Friday, August 14, 2009

Trial Seperation

Growing up I was always very close to both of my parents. I think that is the best way to start this post... While a lot of children would say they liked their Mom more, or their Dad more, I could never choose. Both of my parents had so much love and support to offer, and they were both hilarious and fun. I could never choose between them when I was younger. I knew how lucky I was to have two parents that were still together. I understood this at a young age, because Doug and Annie's dad lived in Austin, and Callie and Slade lived with their mom in Irving, so that left Dave and I with both our parents to have 100% of the time. I knew that made me lucky. I know that still makes me lucky, to have grown up for 21 years with both my parents together.
I don't know how much I have blogged about this, but in May of this year, my mother gave my father 2 weeks to move out. This surprised him more than it surprised me. I don't know how surprising it was to any of my other 5 siblings, but I think I have trained myself to roll with my moms punches, due to the fact that she used to direct them toward me more than anyone.
I feel a lot of different feelings about this. It has been almost 4 months now, and I have just tried my best to stay away. I live with Eric at his parents house (he moved home last month after the lease on his house was up, to save money). Before I stayed with Eric all the time though, I was in the middle of all the parental drama, mainly through my moms side. I started kind of hating my dad because of the things I knew he was saying to her. Recently though, I became closer to my dad again and I started talking to him more about "the situation" and my heart pretty much breaks for him. Not that I can take his side, because they both have good points, but I know it hurts more to be dumped than to dump someone. It just does. I am proud of my mom for doing something that she really wanted to do for HERSELF. But I ache for my poor dad, who doesn't need people to feel sorry for him, but really I can't help it.

I don't know where this post is going... Eric and I had dinner with my dad last night. Without looking at the sadness and pain in his eyes, he looks great. He has lost 30 something pounds by going on walks and ONLY eating healthy foods and drinking lots of water. He is trying so hard to show my mom that he is fine, but one look into his eyes and you know that he is not fine.

I am so sick of both of them though. Sick of them. It is selfish of me to be sick of them, but I can't stand hearing he-said she-said story after story. I hear the same story at least twice, sometimes they will both forget that I have heard it and I will hear it twice more. Then after it all they always say "I shouldn't be talking to you about this.... I just don't want you to hear his/her side and think I am a (crazy bitch) (raving lunatic)." For the record- my mom IS a crazy bitch and my dad IS a raving lunatic- but not all the time, so why should I judge? I have been both of those things before...

Ohhhugughghghgh the frustration! My life is going really well right now, but those two are driving me insane. AND everyone else.... all the other kids too. It's not just me... Both my parents called and told me that my brother Doug is depressed right now. So I went over to see him, like a good sister, and he didn't seem any more depressed than the rest of us about the situation. So the only reason they thought he was depressed was because they were making him that way. Doug is too nice to say "stop talking to me about it." Although he will say "stop talking to Lacey and Dave about it."

Okay. I think that's all I need to get off my hydrocodone-laden chest right now. Thanks for reading. And for the empathy/sympathy, which I am sure you are feeling.

*Lacey Jane*


Criss L. Cox said...

It is NOT selfish of you to be sick of hearing them talk about it, because THEY HAVE NO BUSINESS TALKING TO ANY OF THE KIDS ABOUT IT.

They are the parents, and although all of you kids are adults now, they are still YOUR PARENTS. Neither one has the right to bad-mouth the other in front of you. The only time that would be excusable is if one parent were abusing the children, then the non-abusive parent should side with the child, put the abusive parent in jail, and then they can all bad-mouth the abuser together. But that is not the case here: they are treating you like friends, peers, and venting about the breakup. You do that with your friends, NOT your children. So do what you need to do to stay away from their drama, because they have no right to put you in the middle.

By the way, what is your postal address at this point in your life? I sent you a card, but it was returned. I was going to try your parents' (mom's?) house, but didn't know how relations were at the moment, and if you'd get the card if I sent it there...

The Amazing Ernie J. said...

You're such a nice, open-minded, non-judgmental, insightful person Lacey Jane. If my parents were both whole, somewhat stable people going through a divorce I wouldn't be speaking to either of them.

And for a dose of cheering up my word was Trinmen. Like Tinman but dyslexic and plural.