Today in Lacey's Life...

New Blog!

2010-10-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

Although I haven't finished copy/pasting posts from my xanga, I am ready for this new blog to take over for awhile. I plan on updating it weekly at first and then eventually, daily.

The first post at the new blog is about my mother's birthing and baby experiences. Enjoy!

Remember when I used to blog?

2010-10-13T12:41:00.000-07:00

Like...ALL the time? Every day? geeeeez.

Wedding Update!

2010-08-01T09:14:00.000-07:00

Just for kicks I thought I would post an update on our wedding! The chosen date is still May 13, 2011 (Friday the 13th- my fave). The color combos have changed at least 12 times, but it is official now. We are having a rainbow wedding! That way we don't have to pick just 2 or 3 colors. I am super excited for this because after looking at pictures of other rainbow weddings, I determined it is impossible to not have fun at a rainbow wedding. Since all I hope for my wedding is that it is fun (magical, really), I thought that worked out nicely.
Each member of the wedding party was assigned a color based on mainly what they chose for themselves (except the MOH & Bman HAVE to wear red :) and Eric and I will be in white with rainbow accents (1/2 of my skirt, his tie). My good friend Jennifer (who we lived with in Ft. Worth) will be making all the bridesmaids dresses, my dress, and matching vests for the guys. It will be awesome.
My good friend Liz has 3 acres about an hour away on the river that we are looking at in October. We are 90% sure that is where the ceremony and the reception will take place. We will probably rent a tent, but have talked about how we wouldn't mind if it rained- we just hope it doesn't pour!
My brother Dave is in charge of music (kind of). He will be playing in our wedding band, along with Jamie Barnett, Alex Riegelman (excellent musician O.M.G), Evan Spreen, and really any other of our talented friends who jump up on the stage and want to play a song. We have a DJ for when the band needs a break, and we have BBQ (cheapest option) catering in the works.

Overall I am pretty proud of how this is coming together. We have a little over 8 months to go until the big day, and I am no longer freaking out that it won't happen because I am not doing anything to plan it (first few months I was in complete denial that it would happen at all because I saw nothing making it happen). Once the rainbow theme set in, it has been super easy to figure everything else out. Also, at work the other day there was a huge wedding reception, and Eric and I went around finding ideas that they did that we will shamelessly steal, so that worked out too!

I have lots of non-pro-but-maybe-thinking-about-trying-to-go-pro photographers who will be milling around all that day taking pictures, so that saves me 1000's on photography for the wedding, and gives them weddingness to put in their portfolio.

I am trying to think if there is anything else we have planned (that isn't a surprise) that I would love to share with you... I think that is it for now, though. Ah! Two words. Shoes. Optional.

Wedding party isn't allowed to wear shoes unless they ABSOLUTELY despise being barefoot, but I think we will have no problem.

I am almost so excited I can't stand it- but not quite. I think that will kick in around January, when the save-the-dates go out. Holy cow! Or in March! When the actual invites go out! ahhhhHHHHhh or now! Just thinking about it all!

Best Article I Read Today:::::

2010-07-09T13:03:00.000-07:00

So I read various articles and studies every single day. I would say a good 65-70% of my online time is devoted to it. In an effort to slowly get back into blogging (even though I want a new blog- I just haven't thought of a good name yet) I have decided to post the most interesting/informative/helpful/generally awesome study/article/etc that I come across on that given day.

Today I will share an article that helped me personally come to terms with some things that maybe I have felt ashamed about before. I immediately wanted to send it to everyone on facebook. I decided against this for now because I don't think many of the people on my facebook would take it seriously or even try to read the whole thing. I may be underestimating them, but just to be on the safe side (I don't feel like having to defend myself today) I thought I would just share with you guys :o)

It Starts in the Womb: Helping Parents Understand Infant Sexuality

There it is. It might take anywhere from 15-20 minutes for you to read it, and I would highly recommend reading the entire thing.

What I Am Doing Lately....

2010-07-02T11:04:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of making a newrevampedsuperawesome blog, but until then, just read this and I'll disappear for awhile again :)

Lately, instead of writing, I have been reading. A lot. Reading so many things that past-me would have thought my head might explode from all the reading. Unlike past-me, however, I am actually SUPER interested in everything I have been reading about lately! Here is a rundown of how my thoughts went in the last few months...

I know I love babies and children and have been that way since I was a child myself.

I know I want the best for babies and children.

When I was pregnant I was researching different methods of labor and I quickly opted out of a scary hospital birth. Then I started learning.

Maybe I will be a sonogram technician?

Nix that- too many men come in for ball scans. Can you imagine scanning balls all day? Puke. And how would I feel if a low-risk mother came in for a sonogram every week, for no medical reason? Puke.

Maybe I will become a midwife?

Nope- Too much responsibility and schooling. Maybe later in life though, after some experience.

If only there was something I could do that all it would require is for me to study and learn on my own, but not take up every minute of my day (have to look to the future- I want kids and I want to be able to give them plenty of attention) still be able to help people (mainly women. Mainly pregnant women), and help me feel like I am part of something. Like a movement. So, I am now studying to become a Doula. This way, I do feel like I am a part of something. A movement towards better birthing practices in the United States. As long as I still live in this country, I have to strive to make it better, and helping educate women on something that the United States doesn't educate us on is how I am going to do it.

There are not many doula classes around here! I did find one starting in October in Austin though, and right now that is where I am aiming to go. In the meantime though, I have books to read, and blogs to learn from, so I will go back into my quiet corner.

Thank you Marcy and Cristina for all that you write about and teach me. There are lots of other blogs that I have been reading non-stop, but they are mainly through you two. I have been reading your blogs since I was 16 years old. That's 6 years! You two have had quite the impression on me. So for realz guys- thanks :o)

....back in the quiet corner for now...

*Lacey Jane*

2010-05-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

Few Things are Less Awkward Than Taking Pictures of Your Hand.

2010-04-08T07:30:00.001-07:00

But I think you can kind of see it....

Reading and (not) Writing....

2010-04-07T09:58:00.000-07:00

So, confession: I don't like blogging right now. I can't get into it. My life isn't stable enough to blog yet. It will be soon. Right now, things are so sporadic....just all over the place... and blogging, although it would be good for me to get back into it, I know this, it just is taking it's place on the back burner of my life. I still read blogs, though. I love reading them. Constantly. They are much better than TV. They are more heartfelt than novels. They are constant reminders that this world is filled with other people. People with lives and problems not unlike your own. People with lives and problems so far from your own that you can't even imagine them. It's just... cool :) that's all. For now anyway....

2010-03-25T22:32:00.001-07:00

I know I promised on Twitter an awesome proposal story blog, but instead yesterday I threw up consistently from 2:30 am- 4:30 pm. I was so weak, Eric was spoon-feeding me ice water a couple teaspoons at a time every 5-10 minutes. I made him read a blog about how much liquid I should be consuming with all the vomitting that was happening (thanks Marcy!) and he took great care of me. I lost 8 pounds and I can't really move today, but I'm about to eat for the first time in awhile! Woo! The pharmacy said the virus was going around. If you get it- the only thing that you'll be able to do medicinally is a suppository. So- there's a warning for ya. :) you guys! My ring is beautiful. I wish I could show it to you with a beautiful proposal story, but I'm blogging from my phone and would like the actual story to have more thought put in it than a cell phone blog post will allow. Plus earlier I tried posting a picture from my phone and sadly it did not work. Hopefully this post will! Goodnight all!!

2010-03-25T22:30:00.001-07:00

So I blogged earlier and it posted. Then I blogged again and it didn't post. Now I'm trying again....

2010-03-25T09:46:00.001-07:00

Testing....testing...1-2-3....blogging from my cell phone... Testing??

Really Looking Forward....

2010-02-25T14:58:00.001-08:00

To this weekend. It will be so full and busy and TIRESOME and I just know I am going to get sick (knockonwood), but I am just really looking forward to it. Starting TOMORROW! YAY!

...That is all.

10 Things That Make Me Happy!

2010-02-19T08:30:00.000-08:00

I was tagged!

1. My fiancee, who is unfailingly spectacular.

2. My friends. All of them. They are such a special part of my life.

3. The Discovery Channel, and the Discovery Health Channel. They make tv worthwhile, when I do sit down and watch it.

4. The weather over the last few days. Cold at night but sunny enough for jeans and a t-shirt during the day. Just beautiful.

5. Singing. Hearing others sing.

6. Conversations about spirituality, "why we're here", and the ever-expanding, vastness of space, and the universe.

7. The 14 states that have pulled their figurative heads out of their figurative asses, and decriminalized marijuana.

8. My iPhone. Even though it is broken. No matter how many times I restore it. It won't download apps.

9. Facebook Scrabble. Also, actual scrabble, bananagrams, & appletters

10. Letting go of the conditioning of my past, and learning to think of what's right for me, instead of what is right for anyone else.

I won't tag anyone, because I don't think I have 5 people who read my blog (that haven't already been tagged for this :), but I will say- Zach Brown and Erin should do it!

Valentines Dayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-15T08:53:00.000-08:00

Was yesterday. And I was so busy having a wonderful day that I didn't get to blog about it.

Let's see....yesterday....Eric and I slept in. The start to a wonderful Valentines day, of course. When we woke up, we had minor hangovers from the birthday party we went to (and didn't return home until 5am from). Minor! We were super impressed with ourselves with how minor the hangovers were. From the very minute we woke up, we were super cuddly and goofy and "happy valentines day"y. It was awesome to have a day that let us act just as ridiculous in public as we always do in private.

First we saw Wolfman. It. Was. Awesome. The reviews online gave it 2 stars, which is ridiculous! I think maybe the reviewers were thinking they were going to go see a film with some sort of plausible plotline? No way. It's a werewolf movie, plain and simple. And it was excellent. Excellent werewolf movie. Go see it soon.

Before you do though, go see the movie we saw second yesterday. Valentines Day. The movie. I wanted to see it again, right after I saw it the first time. I want to watch it right now, but it would be too anticlimatic. I want to see it every year on Valentines Day, and on no other day do I want to watch this movie. Except I could probably get away with it today. The theater for this film was full of couples being adorable and kissy and petty, and no one cared! Because it was Valentines Day! So we jumped right on that bandwagon and were cuter and better than everyone. We left the theater with big stupid smiles on our faces and held hands and skipped and laughed at ourselves.

Then we dressed up nice and went to La Bella to hear an old friend of mine play the piano. It was beautiful. We drank wine and ate desserts and really enjoyed the lavish atmosphere. Then it was off to Carrabbas for dinner, where we sat next to each other and held hands on the table and unabashedly told each other every detail of how and why we loved each other so much, and what set each other apart from every other person we've ever met. Yeah I know- I'll hold so you can vomit into the nearest trashcan. Are you back? Good.

We visited his parents after that, and then we went back home and finished Lost Season 5 and FINALLY got to see the first couple episodes of season 6!!! The perfect end to a wonderful day.

I'll never have to throw a "Fuck Valentines Day" party again, and I am perfectly happy about that! Hope you guys all had a great Valentines Day as well!!!! LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE!!!!!!

*Lacey Jane*

Valentines Day 2009
Valentines Day 2008 was not blogworthy I suppose, because I can't find any blogs about it.
Valentines Day 2007

a little concave but I think we'll keep her....

2010-02-11T16:18:00.000-08:00

Break From Blogging?

2010-02-09T19:50:00.000-08:00

Well, the thing is, I have no computer access (except sometimes, obviously). I can read your blogs but not make my own, so I know all about what is happenin' in the lives of teh internetz, but you guys have no idea what is going on in mine! Nothing super exciting, honestly... So no great update for you. Just know that I love you all so much and one day something awesome will happen that will warrant an awesome blogpost : )

Til then, I am assisting Eric while he catches up on Lost so we can watch season 6 like all awesome, normal people!!! woooo!!!! Halfway through season 5 already :) super awesome.

*Lacey Jane*

Help Me Here, People...

2010-01-29T12:52:00.000-08:00

How do you embed youtube vidoes into your blogs? Thank you!

Jodi Picoult

2010-01-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

Is more addicting than heroin. I have 3 books left until I've read every one that she has had published. The one I just finished was very Green Milesque, but still great. Go read it.

"Changes of Heart" by Jodi Picoult

Can I Just....? Just...One Post.

2010-01-21T21:49:00.000-08:00

Eric is the best you guys. Tuesday was his birthday and I meant to write a birthday post for him but it didn't happen in case you guys haven't realized this by now. He turned 23 and even though it's not an old epic age that we can justify a huge party for (like 21, or 25!), I was so happy to celebrate his birthday with him, even if it was kind of a lame day for him... He found out for sure he didn't get the Austin job. Although I feel like it was lame because they told them originally that they were hiring from their branch only, and then they ended up hiring from many different places, which I suppose is smart, but instead of hiring 30 people from Eric's branch, they hired 3. Sucks. But ohwell. We are still trying to go to Austin. It will just be more like in March or early April.

Anyway, I don't have a lot of time to type this, because Doug wants me to make brownies, but Eric rocks my world and I love him very much, and I hope this week has been a pretty nice birthday week, considering :)

*Lacey Jane

Headache Business...

2010-01-18T17:16:00.000-08:00

It's getting very annoying. Annoying and crippling. Mainly annoying. I have to start keeping a journal to find out what is causing them.

Went to Gameworks for Eric's birthday. Everyone gave Eric their tickets for his birthday present. He got four shot glasses, The Beatles Monopoly, and a temp-engagement ring for me (30 tickets- I'm one lucky woman :) All in all it was a fun partay, as per usual.

That's all I got. Off to bury my face in alternating heat and cold.

*Lacey Jane*

Jamming Out....

2010-01-17T15:06:00.000-08:00

In true nerd fashion, I have recently seen the band Man Factory at Caves in Arlington.... Think: Street Fighter concept piece. If you're like me, then that's synonymous to: Awesome.

Check out their myspace page if we're speaking the same language here....

www.myspace.com/manfactory

*Lacey Jane*
"AllIwannado is Street Fight!"
-#1. Night At the Arcade by Man Factory

Ughghghghghgh

2010-01-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

Remember? Bad with surprises/secrets?!

a text conversation:

Eric: It has been a...crazy day. I'll tell you all about it later.

Lacey: Crazy good or crazy bad? (as I broke out in hives and stopped breathing..)

Eric: Good.

*puts away the cortizone and paper bag...*

I Missed a Day of Blogging & Now I Hate Myself...

2010-01-14T16:41:00.000-08:00

It's because it's hard to blog when your brain is trying to escape through your eyeballs.

The Headache has returned. It is there for the majority of the day, leaving for a good 2-5 hours from around 4-9. It returns and is there all night and all day. Poor Eric has to try to sleep next to me not being able to get comfortable no matter what.

Tomorrow I go see a Doctor that my mom recommended for my jaw. It hurts. It locks. It's cold outside. That makes it worse.

This is why I did not blog yesterday.

Negative Nancy residing.

Thanks, NeilMed Sinus Rinse!

2010-01-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

Thanks to NeilMed Sinus Relief (brought to me by Eric, who skipped his kenpo class tonight to come home and take care of me, even though I burned his dinner), I am feeling much better! If you haven't ever tried it or seen it, I highly recommend it to anyone who is getting, could be getting, has, or is prone to anything sinus-related. It's a little strange and annoying at first but once you get passed the I-feel-like-I'm-drowning-myself sensation, it will be your bff4l.

I burned grilled cheese sandwiches. My very poor pathetic attempt at dinner for Eric. I am a not-awful cook. I am not great, but I have definitely seen worse. The problem is, I am so good at cooking chicken and pot roast and tacos, that when I don't feel well and want to whip something up quick and easy (like grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup- a classic!) I totally fail. It's not that I never learned... On the contrary, I can remember making grilled cheese sandwiches standing on a chair when I was probably not more than 6 or 7 years old, with little to no supervision. I had been well taught! It's just that I (in my very old age) have forgotten how. It took me angrily throwing away the first two sandwiches before I made passable ones (passable. Not great.). Then after we ate one each and Eric finished off the tomato soup, I made blackberry pancakes to make up for it, because I can never mess those up.

That's all you get tonight, internet. A play by play on me making dinner. Brilliant and not boring at all, I know.

*Lacey Jane*

Hold...

2010-01-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

Today's blog is short because it hurts to look at the screen. The Headache started around 4:30 today after I saw Sherlock Holmes (awesome movie!). It has since then grown from annoying to bad to really bad to migraine to "why me oh why me"

.....

I'm a big baby when I am sick, which sucks for Eric because I am sick kind of often...Good thing he doesn't mind babying me.

I'm going to go lay down now, and feel sorry for myself. I love you, internet.

Dude...That's Sweet.....water...

2010-01-09T19:22:00.000-08:00

My brother Dave has been stranded in Sweetwater, TX today since 9:30 this morning. At a Wal*Mart. That's 12 hours. At Wal*Mart. In Sweetwater, TX. I feel awful for the guy. Did you know at WalMart in Sweetwater, TX, you can buy corn by the ton? Dave knows this now.
When his car broke down on his way back to school this morning, he called his parents. You know, the people that raised him. My mom wanted to go get him immediately. My dad said "give me an hour and I will tow a car to him"

Obviously that didn't work out so well. See above: 12 hours. walmart. sweetwater.

But, I will stop myself there, so I don't say anything I will want to edit out later...

hmm...

....

Today Eric and I moved in (because Dave went back to AZ, or tried to anyway...) and right now we are enjoying a nice fire and a nice Cowboys game (go Cowboys!)... After this we will head over to our buddy Luke's house to hang out and see him for a bit... And then back home to read books and go to sleep.

.... We are old, and I love it :)

Have a rockin' Friday night, Bloggosphere!

*Lacey Jane*

Posting Early Today...

2010-01-08T10:06:00.000-08:00

So that we don't have repeat of last night's woes! None of my apps are working and I cannot figure out why!! Eric says we have to basically scrub my iPhone :( so I will have to redownload all my favorite apps (I will never beat my highscord on "word warp" and now no one will ever believe it was so high. 5,8something points. I can't even get over 4k anymore!), but I suppose worse things have happened, so no big deal, honestly.

Eric has been in court for two hours today already and he just called to say it will be another couple hours. Last May, If you recall, he had some issues with the law. Issues that have not quite been resolved. Today is his third or fourth court date, and hopefully his last for awhile. He was first offered 6 years of probation, then 5, now 3. He is taking the 3 years with hopes to get off early after a year and a half for good behavior. Because Eric is a good boy. Really, he is. We did not expect this court to last for as long as it has lasted. I've been pretty worried about him for the last half hour but he called on a break saying it was going to last another couple hours because there are so many rules to go over.

I won't make this into a political blog. All I can say is- hurry Obama! You're making great strides in legalizing things that have no ACTUAL GOOD reason to be illegal, and I appreciate that... But hurry! I am impatient! It has been so ridiculous for far too long! I will write a huge post on that certain subject one day. For now, I still need to gather even MORE research (because oh man there is a lot).

Internet! Guess what! I know I already told you in my last lame post, but the period is here. In case you guys didn't know. It's here. It hurts. It's bad. It's angry. I don't know what I did to anger it, but it's angry. That's why today is a lay-in-bed-and-whimper day. At least for the time being.

That's all for now folks! A new blog is heading your way sometime this year. I am trying to think of a clever name, but all I can think of are stupid, boring, grown up names. We will probably have to go with one of those, because damn it if I am not becoming one more and more every day :o)

*Lacey Jane*

...a couple titles. 8 days late and the moon is right and my period is here and it's here with a vengeance. Ouchouchouchouchouch.......

2010-01-07T21:52:00.000-08:00

My iPhone is not working properly and I can't update my blog without the google ap. Except the titles, randomly enough. So my post for the day will be

2010-01-07T21:50:00.000-08:00

Secrets and Surprises....

2010-01-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

It's not that I am bad at keeping secrets, it's that I don't have very many, so I do not understand why other people seem to keep so many. When someone tells me a secret, I immediately wonder if I were in their shoes, would that certain thing be a secret to me? The answer is usually no. So that's why I turn around and tell Eric. Or Heather. Or my neighbor. Or my entire family. Or my dog. Or all of the above. I think that secret keeping is a large contributor to lies and drama that I try (I swear I try) to stay out of. Not to say that all secrets should not be kept- because I will admit their are some valid ones... but when someone asks me "can you keep a secret?" I honestly tell them that it depends on what their secret is, because, not to sound like a bitch, but they have to have a GREAT reason for keeping it a secret, or else I will probably blow it.
I really need to be better about keeping secrets, especially my own. For instance- when I got pregnant, I should have waited to tell people. I really should have. It would have saved me a LOT of pain and sorrow and having to repeat for months and months and MONNNNTHHHS after I miscarried that I had a miscarriage. That was my bad. I told everyone I knew. It helped me at the time, I realize, because I had some supportive (and some not so supportive) people behind me. But oh man. I should not have told. I am worth than Thindy Brady.
I hate surprises. Every year of my life since I was probably 7 or 8, I have snuck out of my room a few days before Christmas, taken all my presents to my room late at night, and peeked. Every. Single. One. It's not so much that I couldn't handle not knowing (although that's definitely a contributing factor), but I am really bad at accepting surprises. I never know how to react, what to say, how to look like I love things, even when I DO love them. I have to practice. I have to slowly peel up the tape on one side, slide whatever is wrapped out, and ready myself to act surprised and happy when I get what I get at the right moment.

All of this is to say that Eric and I are getting married on October 2 of this year, and I am not supposed to tell anyone until we get my ring.

....I think I've told my entire wedding party, as well as my mother, most of my siblings, and at least three random people I've seen on the street. Now you guys know. I was going to wait and have an awesome post with pictures and the whole story of how he proposed, and maybe later on I'll do that. We plan on getting engaged in March or April, and then married on TENtwoTEN! How am I supposed to keep this a secret? He wants to surprise me for when he actually does get down on one knee and propose (even though I told him he really doesn't have to do that. No. Really.), but he wants to, so I suppose I will just have to deal with knowing that eventually and soon, Eric is going to surprise me, even though he knows I hate that :o)

*Lacey Jane*

Interview Tomorrow!!! And....Mom.

2010-01-05T19:38:00.000-08:00

Not for me...Eric's Apple interview is tomorrow. He is super nervous about it, I can tell. However I know he will be superb. The training starts in February, so actually we would have less time than I thought to save money and move to Austin!!! That's okay though, because I know no matter what happens, (not to quote a great song or anything, but) every little thing is going to be all right.
I have been spending more and more time with my mother lately (as in, over the last four days...maybe a couple hours a day), and I just have to say it- no matter how insane she is- she is one hell of a lady. Sometimes her actions are outrageous, but she's very good at looking back on them (even if just moments later) and acknowledging their outrageousness, and either pointing it out, or apologizing for it. I think that no matter how awful the situation between her and my dad is, I will always be on her side, because I think it took a lot of strength to do what she did, and she deserves to be happy. Not that my dad doesn't deserve to be happy, but he needs to make himself happy and not have to rely on others for happiness. I realize what I am saying is pretty obvious and dull, but I know sometimes my mom feels awful for leaving him, and I wish that she didn't have to.
Lately her and I have grown closer, not so much as mother and daughter but as two adult women who know what they want in life just as much as they don't have a clue. It's astounding to me how very alike we are, and I feel like if I didn't have so much of her instilled in me, I wouldn't have a chance in this world.
That's all I have for now. Keep Eric in your thoughts for tomorrow! We want to move to Austin!!!!

*Lacey Jane*

Apollo

2010-01-04T20:31:00.000-08:00

Eric's dog, Apollo, is a bad dog. He's cute and flopsy and big and strong (all at the same time), and boy is he a bad dog. He lives here for now at Eric's parents house. He can smell Eric coming a mile away, and he barks and barks and barks no matter what Eric does. If he ignores him, he barks. If he plays with him for two hours, he barks afterwards. He loves Eric so much it's insane. Eric got him last Christmas. He is a black lab. He turned one in December. When Eric moved out of his house in April and Apollo came to live here, he was immediately made an outside dog. This makes me super sad for lots of reasons, even though he gets plenty of attention, food, water, etc. He has a nice doghouse and lots of room to run around in and toys to chew up. I am worried about moving to Austin and taking Apollo with us. I want to make him both indoor/outdoor but MAN is he a bad dog! Anyone had experience with this? Reccomend anything specific?

Thus Begins Our Journey....

2010-01-03T20:44:00.000-08:00

Tonight, dear reader(s), I blog to you from Eric's childhood bedroom, which will be our home for the next week, until Dave goes back to school in Tucson. From here we will move back in with my mom for a couple months, and then it is to Austin we will go.

The nomadic lifestyle suits me just fine, as long as my bff the internet is there with us.

-Laceyyyy
"TenTwoTen!"

Estranged....

2010-01-02T12:19:00.001-08:00

Eric and I moved in with Callie into the Crack House in September (if you recall). Everyone advised me against this because Callie is kind of insane and unpredictable. I did it anyway because I really hate living with parents. It makes me feel like (even more of) a failure, and the opportunity presented itself. I know how much everyone loves being right- so here it is, everyone: You were right. The girl needs help.

About a week ago, around 2:45 in the morning, Callie comes home. Drunk. Stark raving mad. The living room is spotless. The trash has beer bottled in it from our little get together earlier in the evening that we didn't take out (yet). The kitchen wasn't awful. Half the sink had dirty dishes in it, which had been rinsed off, just not thrown in the dishwasher. She was pissed. She started loading the dishwasher (loudly) she broke a few dishes and a few beer bottles in the process. She ran around the house slamming doors (trying to wake us up) and screaming bloody murder about living with such pigs.

I would own up to it if my house was a mess. It wasn't. My mother has instilled clean-house syndrome in me. I love clean houses. Dirty rooms? Okay, sure. My bedroom is most likely messy. My house? No way. So this little fit was unwarranted.

Yesterday, without warning, Eric and I packed up and moved out. He has an interview at the end of next week and we will know by mid January if we are moving to Austin in March. It's a nice promotion with full benefits and a moving stipend. It will be awesome. I have full faith in him. So now we are living at his parents for a week until Dave goes back to school, then we are shackin' up with my mom until we move in March! This will allow us to save money for the house we will rent.

Callie...Needless to say...is pissed. SO pissed. Obviously we screwed her a little (we paid for January rent so she has a month to find another roommate), but I feel justified because I do not want to be around her insanity. She literally scared me, and that is not okay. Today she has done nothing but text me all the horrible things that are on her mind. Most of them I have chosen to ignore, but I couldn't help but retaliate for a few of them. I told her that if she needs petty name-calling to make herself feel better then by all means, blow my phone up with them.

There it is in a nutshell... Callie and I won't be sisters for awhile I suppose. It is sad, but my family is falling apart anyway, and right now, focusing on myself is going to be the most important thing. I hope nothing but the best for her- but everything will continue to go south for her until she can control herself (especially when she is drinking).

Until next time...

"2010 Again and again?"

01-01-10

2010-01-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

WOoooO!!! Well, we threw a successful Swanky New Year's Party last night at my moms house, because she was out of town. There were 6 or 7 people littering the house this morning (not that I saw them, I was out until 2:30) that Dave told me about. The house is a mess. There is champagne on the ceiling fans and bottles everywhere. The drumset and guitars are at least in one area from the band, and black eyed peas are crusted onto the stove. Everyone made it home safely and Dave is ready to reset and restart. 2010: Again and again and again..... We could technically have two more parties.... But Eric and I are moving today, so it would be all on Dave to plan it. So it won't happen :) Anyway- it was a wonderful New Years- one of the best I would say. Maybe even THE best. Yes. I will go so far as to say it was the best new years party I've been to. It was so super swanky it was almost too much swank to handle. I will have to post pictures later on when they start appearing on facebook. My resolution is to blog more and comment more on other peoples blogs. Eric's resolution is to stop smoking (*he's already down to one cigarette a day, if that*), and marry me.

Shaping up to be a great year already :)

2010: Let's Toast Again

2009-12-31T10:28:00.000-08:00

I am so excited for 2010!!! I have blogged less this year than ever since I turned 16, and my only resolution for 2010 is to blog every day (even though no one comments anymore! See: lame!) to my invisible audience. I am also excited for 2010 because it will begin on the right foot with the right man with all the right intentions (unlike the previous couple years...). Lot's of exciting things are happening this year and i cannot wait to share them all with you! I usually do a recap of my year but the wonderful things of 2009 can be summed up really simply:

-I love Eric and am so thankful for him every day. I didn't expect to be in this kind of relationship for years and years and he kind of blindsighted me into this wonderful mess of happiness that I never understood until now.
-My family has put themselves through the grinder this year, but we all managed to stay out of jail, and we all love each other at the end of the day.
-Jamie got into Army with flying colors (mixed feelings about this but DEFINITELY proud. So proud.). When I say flying colors, I mean the girl she was sitting next to taking the test got a 30, which is still passing. Jamie got a 92. Meaning she can do whatever she wants, and she wants to be a medic. I will miss her so much in the Spring, but I am so stinkin' PROUD of her! (Have I mentioned that I am proud of Jamie?)
-I have learned so much this year. More than school ever taught me. I learned forgiveness and I learned to appreciate the smaller things. I learned that karma will catch up to you, be it good or bad, and that it is always best to exude positivity into the universe.

2009 was far better than 2008, and 2010 is shaping up (already!) to be the most wonderful yet. I am so excited to ring in the new year tonight with my friends and family by my side!

Happy New Year!

Christmas came and went and no one died....

2009-12-28T15:18:00.001-08:00

Well, Christmas happened this year, even though I begged and pleaded for it to stay away! It's not that I hate Christmas, because in all truth, I really don't, but this year I was not ready for it, and then no one got a present from me. Not even the boyfriend. It's because I am poor, which people understood, but it still made me feel kind of bad.

Not to mention, Doug is mad at the 'rents for being obnoxious all year, so he almost didn't show. He came for about 20 minutes (four hours late), and then left. I didn't see my dad until 5 or 6, and I could tell the day was rough for him. My mom was so upset over her firstborn not going to Christmas that she shut herself up in her room for about half an hour to have a good cry. How she managed to cook (she doesn't cook) and have a presentable Christmas for her family (including some aunts, uncles, cousins..) is beyond me, because this year was rough for her as well.

Luckily there was enough alcohol for most of us to get through the day without going crazy. Although, later towards the end when my mom was upset over something a neighbor had said, me in all of my (awesomeness) drunkeness marched down the street to have a little chat with him for making my mom cry. I can't tell you exactly what happened because it is a blur of tears and hugs, but in the end- no one died and everyone got home safely.

On Blogging and Autotuning...

2009-12-23T14:26:00.000-08:00

It's not so so much that I have been super busy lately, I just haven't felt the urge to blog. Sure, lots of different things are happening in my life right now, but nothing that feels important or interesting enough to actually keep track of.
At the same time though, I never used to care if I had something to write about. I used to be able to just pull anything out of my brain and write about it. Those times need to return, people! They SHALL return!!!!

....Tomorrow.

For now, enjoy this video, inspired by another video, linked here because of Chebs/Jeeg's video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuYDSa4BRaw

Oh Debilitating Debt....

2009-12-07T08:35:00.000-08:00

Just a question.... Will I ever be out of debt?

I Miss You Guys...

2009-11-05T14:04:00.000-08:00

Hi Internet! It sure has been awhile, huh? Cool thing- We have no money at the Crack House, and because of that, Internet and cable are a thing of the past. Thanks Jamie for this Internet time! It's wonderful to feel the hard plastic keys under my fingers. The tappy noise is awesome. I could sit here and update you guys for hours just to hear that noise!

But I don't have time. This update will be like the last few. Annoying and boring and just touching on the basics of what is happening in Lacey-Land. One day, when I have the Internet available to me from the comfort of my own bed, I will start updating again. When that happens I expect everyone to start commenting again! And you guys will get yours too. It will be a great day.

.... The BBQ place I have been working at since March went bankrupt. It was terrible and sad. Now I have a job at an Italian place where I will still make barely enough money to live. I feel kind of like a loser because all I do is work and pay bills and have fun, but I plan on slowly going back to school... My sister and I are taking a math class and a yoga class next semester. Like I said- slowly.

.... I just closed The Rocky Horror Show where I played Janet- one of my dream roles. It was VERY fun. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

.... Eric is perfect, in case you were worried about that going awry, as per usual. Nope. Still perfect. Halloween was a blast and a half. We stayed in character almost all night. I think we got out every one liner from the first and second movie alike. SO much fun.

.... And that is all for now, folks! Enjoy these couple pictures from Rocky Horror (One where I was in it and one where I came to see it) and then the couple Halloween pics, and I will catch you guys on the flip side!

*Lacey Jane*

"You beast! You monster! What have you done with Brad!?"

"Nothing! Why? Do you think I should...?"

Dressing up to see it was almost as fun as being in it.

"Party on, Wayne!" "Party on, Garth!" "Excellent!"

....And then I caught Swine Flu!!!!!!!

....I'm back to brown hair! It should be blonde by Christmas though... :o)

Also- Look at Eric's Garth-hair... it is actually his real hair (except for the bangs which I made with a wig and a headband)... We straightened it, and it took just about forever.

Not Enough Karma

2009-09-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

Lloyd is in Rocky Horror Picture Show with me. So far, rehearsals have been fine. Very awkward, yes, but fine. Much better than in May when I tried to do a show with him. That was just too soon. Too close to that terrible night that ruined lives and horrified others. During rehearsal, we avoid any and all contact, be it verbal, physical, or even eye contact. We find ourselves on opposite sides of the room. He buries himself in comic books or friends, and I bury myself in Word Warp on my iPhone (or Unblock Me- also a great game). A few days ago however, Lloyd texted me and asked if we could just stop this and be friends. We really can't be friends, I told him, but at least we could speak like normal people and make eye contact.

As much as I hate Lloyd, I really cannot afford the Karma it takes to hold a grudge. He didn't cripple my credit and my finances, therefore ruining a good few years of my life, Like he did to Eric. I suppose because I am selfish, I can at least forgive him for all the hurt he caused me over the last coulple years. I was the one who put up with it and kept letting him do it to me over and over again. My bad, really...

In other news- Tristan is crowning right now as I type this. I will be going to Houston (for real this time) on Friday to meet him. I wish I was there but at the same time I wonder how I would handle being there.

Rocky Horror and Tristan Vaughn

2009-09-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

Just a couple things today....

1. I got cast as Janet Weiss in the Rocky Horror Show in Grapevine!!!! I am so excited! This is up there in my top 5 dream roles! Woohoo!

2. My Godson, Tristan, is scheduled to be born early Sunday morning, so after my show on Saturday, Jamie and I will be road tripping it to Houston to kiss the baby and then leave in time for me to be back Sunday at 7 for rehearsal. I wish I could skip this ONE rehearsal, but we only have a few weeks. Rocky Horror opens October 16th.

My house is complete and awesome. My boyfriend is awesome. My job is less than awesome, but I am thankful that I have a job!

....So that's it. Pretty lame. No great stories. Not this time.

*Lacey Jane*

Home Sweet Home

2009-09-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

The Crack House is almost completely 100% livable. For now we still need a refridgerator and a washer/dryer. Even Craigslist is too expensive for us at this point, but soon enough! Unpacking and working and doing shows is very difficult, but like I said- we are almost finished! Woohoo!

That's really all I have for an update? Wow. What a lame life lately.....

Oh! I auditioned for some more shows....Rocky Horror Picture Show... Dog Sees God.... some Christmas show... So that's pretty lame. I don't have the time or money to do that.

...it's a serious addiction!

*Lacey Jane*

"Mom just told me the story of how she lost her virginity."
"....You win."

-Dave and I. I miss him!

The Crack House

2009-09-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Callie, Eric and I have officially moved into our new (old) townhome! We call it The Crackhouse, because it seems the people that lived here before us didn't bother cleaning up before us, and the landlady missed a couple things (Needles in a random drawer, crackpipes in peices outside in the corner...etc). Other than a couple quirks, this place is a steal. So much room for so cheap! The neighborhood isn't terrible. I was awoken yesterday morning to the sounds of children playing outside. There are quite a few of them in these townhomes.
Unpacking is a different post all together. Mainly because we are FAR from finished unpacking. Today will be a good day for that because neither of us work until much later. So I am off to borrow my moms obnoxious Rainbow Whatever vaccuum cleaner....and buy gloves... Have a great Wednesday, everybody!

"So your mom tells me you and Callie don't want me to know where you live."
"We don't want anyone to know where we live."

-Dad and I.....It's true that we don't want them to know where we live, but soon enough our daughterly guilt will get to us.

And Today:

2009-08-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the world, Samantha Marie. My cousins new baby, so my new second cousin (Cuz cuz :)

And now I can't help but cry.

One Year Ago

2009-08-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

One year ago:

7:45am: Woke up to get ready for 9am class. Woke up early for no reason. Lived alone in an apartment that I both loathed and loved.

Today:

6:45am: Woke up early for no reason. Knot in my throat.

One year ago:

8am: took the pregnancy test I promised I would take for Lloyd because I was due to start my period the day before and I had not. My periods were like clockwork so he was worried.

Today:

7am: Rolled over and tried not to think about it.

One year ago:

8:03am: just stared at it.

Today:

7:03am: filled with every tiny detailed memory about that day a year ago. I remember what my apartment smelled like. I remember who I called. In what order. Stoically getting ready for school. Remembered every thought I had that morning.

One year ago today:

Not one tear all day.

Today:

As few tears as possible. Tried very hard not to cry all day. Had an okay day. It's always there in the back of my mind. Especially today.

Oh Life! Look at you, looking up!!

2009-08-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

It is (not quite) official!! Callie (older sister, for those readers who haven't memorized all 5 of my siblings names) and I will be moving in together on September 5th!!! WOOOOOOO!!!! Callie found a townhome and I happened to know someone who lived in the one hmm, ADJACENT to ours! So that's awesome, we will soon be Zachs' neighbors (Zach is one of my favorite people ever, for pictures of Zach, scroll down to the camping pictures. He is the one with the beautiful girlfriend and I love them both so much and I can't wait to be neighbs!!!!) for a mere $325/month (each). SO needless to say, both Callie and I are really excited, and saving our money as best we can to have the sweetest most wonderful home together. Just one more time- WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

*Lacey Jane*

In Love

2009-08-17T19:03:00.001-07:00

....with igoogle, allowing me to post directly from my iPhone. It may take a bit longer to type, bit at least I don't have to get up from laying down on the bed, to sitting at the desk that is right next to said bed. Wooooo Technology!!!!!!!

Remember That One Time?

2009-08-17T15:50:00.000-07:00

Remember that one time I promised a Lloyd saga and then instead I got a puppy and never really saga'd about him?

I am now here to REPROMISE the Lloyd saga! Only read it if you want confirmation that Lloyd sucks. Because once I tell you the WHOLE Lloyd story (now that it is, very thankfully, very over), you will for sure hate him. Or you will say you don't hate anyone, and you will pray for him. I will take that to mean you hate him.

Not right now though because I am at Jamies' sisters' house, and I should go be more social.

Hey! Love to all!

Trial Seperation

2009-08-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

Growing up I was always very close to both of my parents. I think that is the best way to start this post... While a lot of children would say they liked their Mom more, or their Dad more, I could never choose. Both of my parents had so much love and support to offer, and they were both hilarious and fun. I could never choose between them when I was younger. I knew how lucky I was to have two parents that were still together. I understood this at a young age, because Doug and Annie's dad lived in Austin, and Callie and Slade lived with their mom in Irving, so that left Dave and I with both our parents to have 100% of the time. I knew that made me lucky. I know that still makes me lucky, to have grown up for 21 years with both my parents together.
I don't know how much I have blogged about this, but in May of this year, my mother gave my father 2 weeks to move out. This surprised him more than it surprised me. I don't know how surprising it was to any of my other 5 siblings, but I think I have trained myself to roll with my moms punches, due to the fact that she used to direct them toward me more than anyone.
I feel a lot of different feelings about this. It has been almost 4 months now, and I have just tried my best to stay away. I live with Eric at his parents house (he moved home last month after the lease on his house was up, to save money). Before I stayed with Eric all the time though, I was in the middle of all the parental drama, mainly through my moms side. I started kind of hating my dad because of the things I knew he was saying to her. Recently though, I became closer to my dad again and I started talking to him more about "the situation" and my heart pretty much breaks for him. Not that I can take his side, because they both have good points, but I know it hurts more to be dumped than to dump someone. It just does. I am proud of my mom for doing something that she really wanted to do for HERSELF. But I ache for my poor dad, who doesn't need people to feel sorry for him, but really I can't help it.

I don't know where this post is going... Eric and I had dinner with my dad last night. Without looking at the sadness and pain in his eyes, he looks great. He has lost 30 something pounds by going on walks and ONLY eating healthy foods and drinking lots of water. He is trying so hard to show my mom that he is fine, but one look into his eyes and you know that he is not fine.

I am so sick of both of them though. Sick of them. It is selfish of me to be sick of them, but I can't stand hearing he-said she-said story after story. I hear the same story at least twice, sometimes they will both forget that I have heard it and I will hear it twice more. Then after it all they always say "I shouldn't be talking to you about this.... I just don't want you to hear his/her side and think I am a (crazy bitch) (raving lunatic)." For the record- my mom IS a crazy bitch and my dad IS a raving lunatic- but not all the time, so why should I judge? I have been both of those things before...

Ohhhugughghghgh the frustration! My life is going really well right now, but those two are driving me insane. AND everyone else.... all the other kids too. It's not just me... Both my parents called and told me that my brother Doug is depressed right now. So I went over to see him, like a good sister, and he didn't seem any more depressed than the rest of us about the situation. So the only reason they thought he was depressed was because they were making him that way. Doug is too nice to say "stop talking to me about it." Although he will say "stop talking to Lacey and Dave about it."

Okay. I think that's all I need to get off my hydrocodone-laden chest right now. Thanks for reading. And for the empathy/sympathy, which I am sure you are feeling.

*Lacey Jane*

DnD Campout Pictures!

2009-08-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I went camping with my Dungeons and Dragons group. We had so much fun. I wish I could blog about every detail, but I really can't, unfortunately. I CAN, however, show some pictures... After seeing these pictures, I gave every couple an award based on the pictures. There were three couples and three single guys. The first couple I awarded were Carlos and Andrea. Andrea took most of the pictures so we had to get her on the other side. They win the Sweetest Couple Award, because they are the sweetest couple. No one calls each other baby, sweetie, honey, etc, and means it, more than these two. It would be annoying, but it's very sweet. Here they are in all their sweetness:

The second award I decided on was the Most Beautiful Couple Award for Zach and Joey. Honestly these two cannot take a bad picture (Eric and I are King and Queen of taking bad pictures)... Zach and Joey are two of my favorite people in the world, and I was so blessed to get to hang out with them for awhile this weekend:

(I was blowing bubbles at them)

The third award goes to me and my wonderful pale boyfriend. We win the Most Sunburned Couple Award.

And here are some other pictures from the campout. Keep in mind that we were all sorts of fucked up and having a good time, pretty much all weekend. So these pictures aren't the best- but they are the best we could do under our circumstances :o)

Sean!

Group Shot at the end.... I need to edit all of these pictures so that you can actually see them, but that will have to be saved for a time when I am not on painkillers..

When Eric's hair is down and dry, it goes a few inches past his shoulders. It's so curly that when it is wet, it goes down past the middle of his back. Way longer than mine. I'm jealous.

Eric and Luke!

Half of our campsite..

Bubbles that stuck to everything! My fave.

Sean, Luke, and Zach. What a bunch of hooligans.

Eric and I watching the sunset

Joey dressed up like an indian to get into the campground spirit. That's because she's so freaking awesome that you can almost not handle it...

Teeeeeeeth

2009-08-10T17:51:00.000-07:00

When I was 16 I got my wisdom teeth out, and the Doctor told me that I need to fix the right side of my mouth or when I am old it is going to be bad news (blablahblahsomethingsomething)... I have been trying to get this done since then. It has taken so long but finally step ONE in a three step process was completed. I got my baby tooth pulled, a bone graft, and then some gum cut from my wisdom tooth area to put over the graft. I was in a little pain all day but not much because I stayed on top of my meds. It seems like I have been waiting for this to happen for so long, and finally it is happening. The next surgery is in November. Step two: begin the implant process. They will screw a little holder thing into my bone graft and then step three will happen a couple months after that- my implant. A tooth! That looks real! That isn't a baby tooth! Woo hoo!

I am blogging to you today on a couple painkillers, so sorry if it is hazy- that's how I feel. Right now in my life I am looking for a better job (as per usual), and starting next week I will be looking for a new apartment! I will either be living with my sister Callie, my best friend Alex, or both of them. I pretty much stay with Eric every night right now, and because my car broke and then I sold it, he has been giving me rides everywhere. I haven't gotten sick of him yet, which is nice. Quite the contrary, in fact. The more I am around him the more enthralled with him I become. It is so wonderful to have a boyfriend that 1. loves me as much as I love him and 2. ACTUALLY respects me. One day I will get a picture of us up so you can see him. He is spectacular, and even my entire family really likes him. My mom calls me sometimes to applaud my choice of boyfriend this time around. I finally have a boyfriend I can brag about and not have to make excuses for, or bag on for being crappy. Woo hoo!

Hope everyone is having a good life right now! I still keep up with ALL my blog buddies- I just haven't been commenting as much. That will have to change :o)

Lovelovelove!

*Lacey Jane*

"Lacey. Eric is the cutest and best guy ever."
"Thanks Mom. I do my best."
"Are you going to marry him?"
"Yeah Mom."
"Oh good. Is he Catholic?"
"Nope."
"Will he pretend to be for me?"
"Yup."
"He's the best."

Blogger!

2009-07-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

Nice to see you! Where HAS the time gone? I guess working every morning and rehearsing every night and doing shows every weekend has COMPLETELY CONSUMED MY LIFE!

....I also have a new boyfriend! Well, technically he's not new- you've heard of him- but now he's my boyfriend and a very spectacular one at that (so far ;-) Eric rocks, the end.

This is my pitiful excuse for an update because I have to take a shower and get ready for day 1 of tech week for Evil Dead the Musical! If you live in the North Texas area (coughCristina/Tine/Dianacoughcough), you should try to come out and see it!

www.ohlookperform.com

We open Friday and run for three weeks (thursday/friday/saturday) at 10:30 pm. The seating is VERY limited and we're already selling plenty of tickets so callllll and reserve yours SOON!

Oh blogger, my long lost love...One day I will return and have lots of awesome news (hopefully) and stories to share.

right now my life is consumed with debt and bills and being an adult. LAME.

*Lacey Jane*

"I'm sexy! I'm cute! And so evil to boot! I'd kill you with these guns, but I don't think they shoot!"
-excerpt from "Look Who's Evil Now" a song in Evil Dead the Musical

Once Again I Have Taken On A Lotttt....

2009-06-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

And thusly I am sickish. Yesterday I was sick, today I am just sickish, but hopefully I am resting enough for my lame body to heal up, because I have lots going on!

I got cast as ensemble in Rent and I was all set to do it, knowing Lloyd would be there. I mentally prepared myself and convinced myself I didn't need a xanax.

The first two hours were okay. I didn't look at him as much as I could, and there were enough people to where I could see three weeks of doing that working out pretty well. Then, cliche moment of my life, we started singing Seasons Of Love, wherein it talks about measuring a year of your life. HOW COULD I HELP IT? I thought about the last year of MY life (of which he was such a huge part) and then it happened. The waterworks. I calmly put my script down in the middle of the song, and walked out the back of the room. No one noticed. Ish. Then I had Sobfest '09 in the bathroom for another hour and a half before everyone left. When I came back out and got my purse and script, I talked to the director and apologized and told her I couldn't do it.

I tried.

But on the plus side, she's doing a highschool production of Highschool Musical 2, and I don't know if I have mentioned my love for HSM in general, but it would be really fun and funny to just do ensemble for that show instead. SOOOO that's what I will probably do instead of Rent. That gives me until the 1st to decide on whether or not I will do that.

Allison (girl I was moving in with in Houston) decided she wants to stay at her moms until January (Tristan will be about 3 months old then) before moving, so that puts me in an awkward position until then. I really would like to move earlier than that. In August, preferrably. Alex wants to move to Austin. I don't, but maybe for 6 months it won't be so bad.

Let's see let's see.... I have to go to work at 10, so I am trying to make this fast...

Hmm.. I got my hair done! Woo! I never spend money on myself, but when I do, it is on something ridiculous, like an expensive haircut! My favorite! I asked her to style and shape my hair, and blonde it up just a little bit. I am a natural blonde, but for the summer I wanted to be a bit blonder. She shaped it up and styled it and I LOVE the cut, but then she REALLY REALLY REALLY blonded it up. Dave walked in later after I had gotten home, and did a double take. He turned on the lights and was like "Hmm... it looks like...OMG like I am SO a BLONDE!"

So yeah. She Malibu Barbied my hair, but it's okay. I'm rockin' it.

Wow. A whole paragraph on my hair. That's spectacular.

Um.... I miss Heather a LOT. She needs to return asap.

I miss Jamie a lot too, but luckily I saw her yesterday.

Eric is still wonderful. No change there.

Dave leaves today for a 6 week ballet intensive in Colorado! Oh man! I miss that kid already!

Okay off to work. Wish me luck on being not so phlegmmy!

Hurry!

2009-06-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

A quick update for you beautiful folks...

I have yet to hear back from Rent callbacks... they went extraordinarily well, for other people moreso than for me, but still... very well... there was a lot and I mean A LOT of talent in that room. I probably will not get cast in a larger role but that is okay.

Rehearsals for Reefer Madness begin on Saturday, so I thought I would work AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE until then. My schedule is as follows then for this week:

babysit 9-2, 2 boys- a 4 year old and his 7 month old rolly brother. SO ROLLY. I can't even count how many rolls this adorable baby has.

nap 230-430

restaurant work 6-2

sleep 230-8

repeat

WOOOO for a 60+ hour work week!

Have a fantastic week guys! And keep me somewhere in your minds- you're never far from mine!

Oh Blogger...Always A Nice Computery Shoulder To Cry On....

2009-06-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

al;ksdjf;lksdajf ;lkasdj f;lasdkfjUGHGHGHGHGH i hate being a girl and being SO EMOTIONAL.

I need to not care about such ridiculous things but I cannot help it right now.

I am not making any money at work and it SUCKS.

Lloyd got cast in Rent. I WAS SO EXCITED TO HAVE A LLOYD FREE SUMMER and he got cast in a show that I wanted to do.

I decided to go to callbacks and if I DO happen to get Mimi or Maureen I will suck it up and do it. I just HATE him for this. I would love to one day be friends with Lloyd but it won't happen anytime soon.

He got cast as Collins. Gay black guy. Typical.

OH MY GOODNESS blogger. He also has a girlfriend. So that's cool. I realize I kinddd of have a boyfriend and it used to be a friend of his but it still really makes my heart hurt. A lot.

And I cannot even coherently type I just have so much negative emotion right now and I don't want to bitch about it to a lot of people. I can't bitch about him anymore because I am even sick of hearing me bitch about it. That's a neat thing about computers. I am bitching but I cannot HEAR myself doing it!

Very nice.

Anyway. So, yes, right now, I am hating. And it does not feel good.

Lions and Tigers and OwlBears, Oh My! *(Alternate Title: The Economy Is Making Me Cry)

2009-06-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

Auditions went well for Reefer Madess/Evil Dead The Musical/Rent. I got called back for all three of them. Reefer callbacks did NOT go well at all, mainly because Lloyd was there and I was fighting tears and vomit the whole time. We made no eye contact and I had the worst callback I have ever had in my life (NO I am not being dramatic I am for REALZ). Then Lloyd left and magically I pwn'd my Evil Dead callback. Subsequentially, I got cast as ensemble in Reefer Madness (like last year), and Shelley in Evil Dead- which is awesome. Both shows are sure to be a ton of fun. I had fun doing ensemble last year, so I will have fun doing it this year. Lloyd won't be around. So that's good.
Rent callbacks are on Saturday and I am fairly nervous because I am being called back for Maureen and Mimi. Both of these roles are very very difficult to sing, and I was asked to prepare 2 songs for each of them (Over The Moon & Take Me or Leave Me for Maureen, Out Tonight & Another Day for Mimi), but I am still pretty happy to be called back. My hopes are not high for these parts, but it is still cool to be called back.
In other news, I really need to take defensive driving for my speeding tickets that I obtained back in February. I realize I am cutting it close because I am pretty sure I have to have it done by the 10th ish or so... But it is hard to do when you have no money and your bank sucks and you're so far in debt that it makes your head hurt but hey! Welcome to America and our AWESOME ECONOMY.
Tomorrow I will be evening out the debt and closing my bank account. Then I will be banking the old fashioned way (money in a drawer?) for an indefinite amount of time. Well, probably until I move to Houston... So at least a couple months.
I learned something very important in the past few years of being a grown up. Giving banks or anything else your cell phone number is a VERY VERY BAD IDEA. Your home number is good enough (even if you don't live at home), and keeps you from wanting to be THAT PERSON who YELLS AT THE BILL COLLECTORS who WILL. NOT. STOP. CALLING.
They call me from 8am to 10pm. Is that even legal? I both feel extremely sorry for and HATE the people who have those jobs. They can't help that their lives suck and that's what they do for a living. At least they have a job, I guess, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to take a chainsaw to their tongue.

....Harsh? YOU WOULD BE TOO.

Aside from everything else, Eric is still being very nice to me, and complimenting me and taking me on dates (and PAYING for it?), and going out of his way to make me happy every single day, which is all very strange and very nice. Yay Eric.

That's all for now. Send financially good thoughts my way!

.....oops... I guess I should explain owlbear...

Internet, against my better judgment, I will expose to you a secret that I (may have already exposed) do not tend to expose to anyone.

...I have joined a DnD clan.

Anyone know what that is? Maybe a couple of you? No? Yes?

Dungeons and Dragons. A RPG (role playing game). It sounds far more kinky than it actually is. Eric is our DM (Dungeon Master), and there are about 9 of us in the clan (4 main ones, 5 others that show up sometimes). I have made my character and written my characters backstory. If you ask nicely, maybe I will post my backstory. For now I will tell you that I am a human bard named Minna. I decided to be a support character for my first go at DnD and so far I am having a lot of fun. I was late to our last gathering because of callbacks, but when I arrived, my collegues (Black Tusk the half orc, Thornmill Thornhill the Elf, and the priest whose name I forget) were fighting an owlbear, which is a (you guessed it!) half owl half bear. I took a picture of it on my phone (there was a picture in the rules book), and I will happily share it with you now:

Back In North Texasssss

2009-05-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

Just to clarify, I am not moving to Sugar Land until after all the musicals are over this summer (I have auditions on Thursday!). So, pending the shows, I will be in North Texas until early August.

....But I could be leaving as soon as next week- you just never know- and I kind of like it that way.

Blogging To You From The Great City Of Sugar Land............

2009-05-25T16:21:00.000-07:00

Helllloooo world! I am coming to you today from Sugar Land, TX (south of Houston). Many people crinkle their noses when I say I am moving to Houston, but I am here to tell you that YES it is HOT, YES it is HUMID, but DAMN it is BEAUTIFUL! Everything is green, the sky is bright blue, there are palm trees and flowers everywhere, and it's sunny and happy.

..... Basically what I am saying is the grass is greener here in Houston (well, Sugar Land, to be technical). I know how the saying goes, but for now? The grass really is greener here.

Let's see. I drove down here on Friday night (THANK YOU BRANDON FOR LETTING ME BORROW YOUR CAR YOU ARE AMAZING AND WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I got in around midnight and it was so great to see Allison (and her Crazy Daisy Doggy). Allison is 5 months along and she looks so beautiful! She will be 21 weeks on Thursday, and her baby girl loves spicy food. Since Friday night, Allison and I have found a house that we love, and applied for it. We should hear back soon. The house is in Sugar Land in The Highlands. A very nice very safe neighborhood. It has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and 1715 sq. ft. Pictures to come. Maybe. No promises.

It is very strange being back in Sugar Land. This is Elliott's town. Thankfully he doesn't know I am in town. I think he knows I am moving here, but he also knows that it is NOT for him. So hopefully no drama is created between him and his girlfriend because of me. I think everything should be fine though.

I already know I am going to miss my friends so much. SO much. I miss them now and I have been here for only a few days. More about that later though. This post is supposed to be uplifting!

It was, right?

Happy Memorial Day. I love America. Flags are flying everywhere. It's awesome.

Lots of love, internet!

*Lacey Jane*

"I wanted a challenge. That's why I bought SmartWater"
-Jamieshaie as she struggled to open her bottle of smartwater a couple weeks ago...I miss that girl!

AAAAaaaand Two Months Later....

2009-05-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. Tineebops asked for an update on my life, and how can I refuse her charm?

Let's see. It has been a long, crazy 2 months. I don't even know where to begin. Really. I don't. Do I start from now and work backwards? That would be the easiest for me, but the most confusing for you. Starting then and working forwards I feel as though I would miss important things... Although really- none of it is all that important. Categories are generally what I tend to fall back on, even though that makes me feel kind of lazy.

Ah well. I guess it doesn't matter.....Categories it is. What kind though? I guess we could go very basic. Family. School. Work. Friends. Summer Plans. Future. hahaha. Just kidding. we won't talk about the future. Anything I am missing? Hmmm.. Things That Just Really, Really, Really Suck. That one could take awhile. Okay hmm. I haven't written in awhile. ANYTHING. At all. So this is very unfamiliar.... Try and keep up...

Family:

The Smaxters are no more. I suppose I can start with that. About 2 weeks ago my mom and dad split up. My mom has been staying with friends and my dad moves out of the house tomorrow to go live with some roommate somewhere. I can see all your sympathetic faces now... Thanks for that- but before you get all emo on me, let's all be sure we are sympathizing for the right reasons. I love my mom and dad both very much. The fact that they are splitting up is sad. The fact that for the past two weeks my siblings and I have had to endure the annoyances of their lives is even more sad. Please don't hate me for saying this, but honestly them bitching about it or talking through us is way more annoying and sad than them splitting up. We care because they are our parents and everything but we don't care, because we don't live with them, and it is not really our business. As Dave put it- "As long as they can be in the same room for Christmas and Thanksgiving, who cares what they do? I'm not going to two places for Christmas." I probably would, but he's right- they are big kids with their own lives just like us. I hope they are both happier in the long run because of this decision (that my mom made). In fact I know they will be. I realize how bratty I sound about all of this- but....wait. I don't have one of those. I just wanted to throw it out there that I realize it. That's all I have to say (I think).

School:

Out for now, small hopes for future education other than the occasional online classes.

Work:

I quit my job at the daycare when my racist boss got on to me for something ridiculous and wouldn't answer my questions about it. I'll leave it at that because just thinking about this vile woman makes me want to throw the laptop across the office. I now work at a restaurant that is close to my parents house where I occasionally stay when I feel the need to punish myself. I have never been a server before and I am not too bad at it. In fact the owner of the restaurant always puts me on the biggest tables, and always has me serve when his friends or partners or investors or what-have-you come in. I have a sparkling personality. You would never know by reading this. But it is there. The bad part about this job is that the restaurant is fairly new and we never get any business. No business=No money. I need money. I have things to pay off. Some things are valid. Speeding tickets. Valid. Parking ticket. NOT valid. I hate Watagua.

Friends:

I miss my friends. I miss Heather. I haven't gone this long without seeing her since we were 3 years old. She will be home Sunday, and I cannot wait to see her. Jamie Shaie's phone has been off for a month or so. I miss her. I got to see her yesterday and it was miraculous. The group of friends that I met through Lloyd are still phenomenal. I love them very much. My lease is up May 31st and I will be moving in with Greg, Becca, and Eric. Brandon is moving out. Stuff happened. I will include Lloyd in this category although for now Lloyd is no friend of mine. Or Greg, Becca, and Eric's. Stuff happened. Stuff that should wait for its own post. But we all know how I promise that and it never happens....So I guess here we go:

Stuff That Happened:

Lloyd and I broke up a couple weeks ago because it just wasn't working. We both knew it wasn't working. We were having a very good/bad relationship. When it was good it was awesome when it was bad it was terrible. I looked at him one day and said how sad it was that we weren't meant to be together. That got him thinking. I said we should stay together until August because we suck at being broken up, and I am moving far away in August. He said we should just break up now. So that's what we did. It was mutual, but he decided to do it sooner rather than later. We were both sad but both okay. I finally had peace of mind that Lloyd and I were 100% finished. Something I haven't ever had in the 3 times previous to this that we had broken up.
A few weeks later I go to a party with a bunch of friends that I met through Lloyd who were now mutual friends. Brandon, Eric, and Carlos. Also present were friends I have met through Carlos. A great Denton party. Very fun, very drama-free, very alcohol-ful, very...other stuff-ful. LONG story short, we go back to the house and I end up sleeping with Eric (scandalous, I know.). This was not a bad drunken mistake- For the record I was very coherent and aware of what was going on at all times. Jamie Q, Candace, Joey and I ("the girls" of the group of olde) have always had crushes on Eric. He doesn't talk terribly much. He blushes easy. He has red curly hair that is longer than mine. He is AWESOME. So I went for it. Because I am single and I can do that. TURNS OUT Eric has always been interested in me. WHAT?! ME?! Awesome. So there we have it. We had sex. Shower sex. Bedroom sex. Hammock sex. SexsexsexsexsexsexsexFUCK yeah!We got barely 2 hours of sleep before waking up for seperate mothers day brunches and then a full day of work for me.
(I realize I tend to not be so graphic when it comes to sex on my blog, but I really want to overexude how bad I do not feel about this. Yes, Eric is Lloyds friend from highschool. That isn't cool. However, let me remind you: Lloyd. Got me pregnant. Told me he never loved me. Broke up with me. I miscarried. He gets another woman pregnant. Professes his undying love for me. We get back together. It doesn't work out. We break up amicably. All of the horrible things he has done does not even measure up to the one horrible thing I have done.)
So the next night I am over there again (I crash there on the couch a lot because going home is an option I sometimes do not allow myself), and I start getting texts from Lloyd. In one of them he says to please be honest with him if I start sleeping with another guy because he knows how I have been going out a LOT lately and partying a LOT lately (hell yah. I'm 21 now) and it has been driving him CRAZY and please be honest he just wants to know.

In case you guys don't know this- I AM honest. I tend to try to ALWAYS be honest. Even if I know it will hurt someone. So I explained to Lloyd that yes I have had sex with Eric and it was after a party where we all got pretty drunk and blah blah blahhh. He doesn't respond, so I give him about 45 minutes and ask if he's okay. He doesn't respond again so I put my phone on vibrate and go to sleep. Remember, I am very tired. 2 hours of sleep the night before. It is 1:30 in the morning before I go to sleep this time, and I am delirious.

At 2:45 that morning, BARELY an hour later- I awake with a start to someone POUNDING on the window and yelling. Very cool way to be woken up when you are delirious, by the way. Very cool. So Eric goes outside and stands there and lets Lloyd scream at him. He apologizes but doesn't have much to say. Lloyd says he wants to talk to me immediately but Eric says he can't until he calms down. Lloyd says he's going to call the cops and have everyone in the house arrested because there is sure to be illegal substances in that house somewhere. So I go outside to talk to Lloyd. Lloyd wants to walk and talk so that Eric and Zach (Lloyds bestie who gave him a ride- don't hate- he didn't know he would be this bad) wouldn't hear us. After I get called a slut and told that he was going to make my life a living hell, I was pretty much finished with that conversation. I tried to go back to Erics house but was more or less manhandled down another block. Bruises to prove it. Should've gotten him arrested, but I have a pitying heart, not to mention a soul. Eric and Zach find us and Lloyd backs off because they tell him to. Eric and I go back to his house and Zach and Lloyd prepare to leave. It was bad. Very obnoxious. Very scary. Very sad. Someone knocks on the door. It's Lloyd. "Please let me talk to her one more time, I promise I won't scream" I consent and we go into the backyard. I don't even know what we talk about. The next thing I know, cops are there and we are being questioned for a domestic disturbance call. I just want them to leave so I can go to sleep so I proceed to tell them that Lloyd is a big baby and everything is fine and he's mad because I had sex with his friend and he's leaving and it is all over and I am so sorry for disturbing the peace. The cop was nice and nodded along and said he was glad everyone was okay. The cop inside questioning Lloyd was just about ready to go, but for the hell of it decides shine his flashlight around the house for good measure. Spots some stems and seeds on the kitchen table and it's all over. All 7 people in the house at the time are woken up by the cops and we all sit in the living room for 5 hours (until 8:30. Remember how tired I was? NOTHING compared to then). The cops obtain a warrant and search the whole house (even though they had already gone into Greg/Beccas room and flashed their light around. Without a warrant. Actually they didn't even have permission to enter the house in the first place. Just "probable cause"....don't get me started...). Greg, Becca, and Eric all get arrested. Brandon doesn't- the only person who lives there that doesn't. Because they don't find anything in his room. Longest-Story-Ever-Shortened-Just-A-Bit: Eric has a felony and Greg and Becca have misdemeanors. Very horrific. Lloyd. Sucks.

So that's where my life is right now. I am so upset about everything. There is so much I want to blog but can't.

I am not speaking to Lloyd. A few people aren't, actually.

I got a parking ticket the next day for being too far away from the curb, and parked facing the wrong way. I was parked in a cul de sac. so it's pretty impossible to park right against the curb. the wrong way? holy shit EVERYONE in texas should have tickets for that. Those fucking bastards. I am pissed about everything right now. EvERYTHING.

My ticket is 150 dollars but my car is not in my name, so I can't pay it. The car isn't in the name of the guyI bought it from either. It is in his father in laws name. I was told that I cannot pay this ticket. I have to bring whoever is on the title to pay it. Ridiculous. Guess how much it costs to get the car in my name? AT LEAST another 150.

I am moving to Houston in August to help my dear galpal Allison out. Her baby (my goddaughter) is due in October. She is 18 years old and more responsible than most 30 year olds. She has a full time job, she is a full time student, she has a loving supportive family, and the father of the baby is an idiot. She has been dating him for over 3 years. They've lived together fo r the past 8 months or so. She left him because she couldn't put up with him anymore, and then 3 days later discovered she was pregnant. She didn't get back together with him because of this and I couldn't be more proud of her. Her and I (And Amber Grace...Ava Grace....Alivia Grace....depending on the day) are getting a house in August and we're going to live our lives out there for awhile. I am so happy to do this, because I have baby fever as we all know, and this IS my goddaughter after all.

I am planning on doing shows this summer, but Lloyd is planning on doing the same shows. I am going to tell the directed when I audition that if he gets cast I will not be doing the shows. I hate that I have to back down on them. I really think it should be him. I know him though and I know he won't do that. Same place as last year. I am excited for auditions.

Sorry this post got so sporadic. I am being a huge hater right now.

My car doesn't work by the way. Clutch is out. If ANYONE out there has an extra car that they can rent to me for the next 2 months I would be SO GRATEFUL. Please let me know, and I hope everyone in the bloggosphere is doing exponentially better than I am.

Excuses, excuses....

2009-03-17T13:57:00.000-07:00

I promise you guys I always MEAN to update. It is always something that I know I want to and need to do- I just don't get around to it. SO SO SO SO SO much has happened since one month ago. So much.

Without going into lots of detail about the past month, because I don't have a lot of energy-

I am not in school. When I got pregnant I changed my fafsa. When I miscarried I changed it again. None of my financial aid went through on time because fafsa's take FOREVER to process. SO I couldn't afford school this semester. SO I had to drop out. SO I feel like a loser.

I have a full time job at the daycare down the street from my apartment in Denton. I have my own class. I teach the 13-17 month olds. They are awesome and adorable and I cannot wait to find a new job. I make 7.25 an hour working 45 hours a week. It is both fun and miserable. I can do better. But it's hard to find a job in Denton. As I may have mentioned before.

Lloyd and I are together again. Surprised? Me too. We've been together again for over a month now. He hasn't screwed up majorly yet. The moment he does though? Bye bye Lloyd. He knows that. So he's really actually making an effort this time. There are lots of things to say about Lloyd, but I am not sure who reads this anymore, and some things that I would LOVE to blog about are really just not my business to blog about. So maybe some other time.

My puppy lives with my parents right now. They hate him. But really they love him. They can deny their love all they want, but everyone (including them) knows that they love him. He is getting really big, and he still loves me the most. He is really smart and can come on command, and sit, and go to his kennel, and walk without a leash. He's the best. He is 20 pounds now. CRAZY.

Healthwise? Oh man internet. I have a urinary tract infection. ALSO a bladder infection. ALSO a kidney infection. Also a kidney stone. If your vagina doesn't hurt after reading that then teach me how to also have a super vagina. I don't know internet. I don't drink soda. I drink plenty of water and juice. I need to cut back on drinking milk (too much calcium can cause kidney stones in the kidney stone prone people like myself). I have missed all of work this week, was in the hospital on friday, went to the doctor today, and I have so many different kids of neat pills prescribed to me I don't even know where to begin.

There is this one pill that NUMBS my urinary tract (which is nice because peeing? HURTS.) and also turns my pee BRIGHT orange. Like....cartoon orange. Also, it REALLY numbs the urinary tract. So I leak a little bit. So I have to wear a pad constantly. Which is okay- because guess what internet? I AM ALSO ON MY PERIOD. So in case my poor vagina wasn't going through enough, it is also bleeding. After I pee, it looks like fire. Bright orange and bright red. It is symbolic of how my kidneys feel.

I was allergic to the antibiotics the hospital put me on- so since Friday, I have lost a total of SEVEN pounds. I now weigh less than I have since my first boyfriend broke up with me and the only food I could choke down for 3 months was ice cream and nyquil.

There you go internet. A really quick and not very detailed update on my life. As soon as my midsection doesn't feel like it will implode at any given moment, I will try for a better post. Have a lovely St. Patrick's Day.

*Lacey Jane*

for lack of creative title: Today

2009-02-23T11:01:00.000-08:00

Today sucks worse than other days.

Today someone told on me for having the cutest dog alive in my apartment and now I am being fined and I have to be rid of him by tonight.

So does anyone in the DFW area want to borrow a wonderful puppy for a few months? Until May. When Jamie and I are getting a house.

PLEASE I don't want to get rid of him permanently.

Note To Self:

2009-02-16T22:29:00.000-08:00

List of things I need to remember to extensively blog about:

1. school
2. work
3. lloyd
4. buster
5. the fam
6. the plan
7. halloween
8. heroes
9. lost
10. theater

I Hate Today.

2009-02-14T14:41:00.000-08:00

And not because it is Valentines Day. I love Valentines Day. I will be seeing my Valentine later when he gets off work.

But just- today. In general.

Highlights:

speeding ticket (second one this week)

puppy poop. everywhere but on the puppy training pad. which he likes to eat and play with. not poop on.

being really really really poor.

not wanting to blog because I hate doing nothing but complain.

I swear very soon you will get a 100% complete Life of Lacey update.

and it will be long.

and you will read it and comment on it.

as for now, happy valentines day.

-Lacey Jane

"I heard someone say 'last one there is a rotten egg' today and it dawned on me that THAT is the expression I grew up saying. Not nigger egg. Rotten egg. I can't believe I have been saying nigger egg for years and years....and teaching it to you guys! Oh man. Where is my mind?"

where indeed, mother?

Arrested Development

2009-02-04T15:35:00.000-08:00

Anyone ever get into Arrested Development? It's truly hilarious. My family can appreciate it because the show is about a crazy family, not unlike our own. Sure the situations and characters are different, but the crazy is all kinds of there.

One of my favorite characters on the show (Although it varies from show to show because they're all spectacular) is the youngest brother of the main(est) character, Michael Bluth. His name is Byron Bluth, but everyone calls him Buster.

Buster has an interesting relationship with his mother. She babies him and she has him wrapped around her little finger. Buster also is kind of a whiny neurotic freak. He has anxiety attacks easily. He doesn't sound too intelligent when he talks (more like a scared 9 year old girl), but his parents have spent thousands of dollars ('cause they're rich) on various classes for him to be successful. And yet, he's older, still living with his mommy, and loving it.

Buster is bitchy. He's a pansy. He can't do too much by himself. But he's adorable and you just HAVE to love him because he's Buster.

For all those reasons. The puppy has been named Byron "Buster" Bluth.

He goes by Buster, Buster Bluth, or Baby Bluth.

Or really whatever comes out of my mouth when I talk to him...

Putting The Saga Aside For A Moment....

2009-02-03T22:29:00.000-08:00

Everyone. This weekend was rough for me. Really rough.

INCREDIBLY rough.

Yes, a lot of it (all of it) had to do with Lloyd. But we must not hate. Really. Please don't hate him. I am fairly certain he will be a big part of my life one day. Not today. Today we are not talking. Or yesterday. Or for the next couple/few months. But one day. So no hating please. Everyone does stupid things. Lloyd just happens to do INCREDIBLY stupid things.

The point is, without going into more detail- I deserve love and cuddles from someone who won't do incredibly stupid things..

So, meet my new love/cuddle buddy.

He is currently nameless, but oh so adorable, loving, and did I mention cuddly?

.............I meant to get a cute, self sufficient, cuddly KITTEN....but let's face it. I am a dog person. And I couldn't resist him. I mean honestly.

If They Wrote A Book...

2009-02-02T22:28:00.001-08:00

So, as most of you know, my life is fairly dramatic.

And I admit that.

I am fairly confident that if someone WERE to write a play/book/film based on my life, it wouldn't sell well, because it would be TOO fake. TOO made up. Not real enough.

But I assure you it is real! I can't believe some of the things that happen to me. It is a toss up between crying about my life and laughing about it.

Obviously I have a story for you.

Tune in next time for The Lloyd Saga (Part I)

*Lacey Jane*

"Jack in the box?"
"now."

-Jamie & I.

Also the reason part I of the lloyd saga will not be written right now.

Snow Day!

2009-01-27T20:22:00.000-08:00

The weather is horrible, but we don't have classes!

HI there. My name is Lacey. It is nice to meet you all. I apologize for not updating in um. Years? Weeks? Well whatever, I apologize. Lots and lots of things to go over with you fine people, but for now just know that I am happy that classes were canceled today and tomorrow, possibly Thursday. Pretty sweet.

Right now I am hosting a stay-inside-and-do-nothing party. We've been drinking a bit, eating a bit.... I made a pork roast with baby potatoes and baby carrots, and then made a yellow cake with homemade icing, melted marshmellows, and mnm's on top. Yup. Sometimes I am creative.

Everything was delicious, so I was rather pleased with the outcome. Now we're watching movies and basically doing nothing. It's good weather for that.

Be safe everyone!

*Lacey Jane*

"So, Jamie says I'm your favorite?"
"nope."

-Dave and I

I lied. He is totally my fave.

irritated.

2009-01-19T22:15:00.000-08:00

my period needs to start.

like. now.

that is all.

I'm Still Alive. Sort Of.

2009-01-11T19:21:00.000-08:00

Guess what internetland? I'm sick. Just like always. I have a cold. A really bad one too! It's awesome. So blogging has been scarce, because I don't have anything totally awesome to blog about. Maybe one day soon. For now, I am still uploading old xanga entries and missing the days when I used to be funny.

Slowly But Surely....

2008-12-30T21:35:00.000-08:00

All posts from my xanga from the year 2008 have been successfully transferred to this blog! Yay! Well, almost all. There are a few with pictures that will have to wait for me to be back in Denton.

Lots has happened! Update about it alllll later.

For now, I had a really great Christmas and I hope you all did too! I will try my darndest to find time tomorrow to tell you good people allllll about my year, but for now, I am too tired of transferring all my blogs, and if I read one more word about my life my eyes will probably fall out of my head and roll away.

Or something.

See what I mean? Tired.

Better Late Than Never....

2008-12-26T10:23:00.001-08:00

The first weekend of December I went and did something that I have never done before. I FINALLY saw Dave dance!!! My little brother has been taking ballet for 2.5 years now, pretty much ever since I have been in college. I was always out of town at school when he had performances, but this year I finally got to see him dance in The Nutcracker! It was beautiful, and I sobbed. He played the Snow King, Clara's Dad, and the Arabian Prince. The only pictures up so far are from when he was the Snow King. As an extra awesome addition, his girlfriend Diana was the Snow Queen. They were BEAUTIFUL:

for the rest of the photos:

http://pa.photoshelter.com/gallery-show/G0000xJRq5Z8TLKA/P0000jAejBnYn4.8

in some of those photos it is another girl, not Diana. But the ones with Diana are the besttttt! Enjoy!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T02:47:00.001-08:00

....That's all you get for now. But it was sincere....Honest.

I Did Not Even Last ONE Week

2008-12-19T05:20:00.000-08:00

Greetings, fellow bloggonians. I type to you today at 7:21am from my bed at home. You may wonder if I am EVER up this early. The answer to that my pals is no. No. No NEVER. Unless I have homework to finish. But during this, the holiday season, where my hours are 12:30 to 6:30 every day, no. I will get up at 9, maybe. Or 10. 1030 at the latest. So NOW, you may be wondering what in the hell I am doing so awake and shining on this dreary? beautiful? cold? warm? I don't know. Friday morning.

The answer is quite simple. Yesterday at the preschool, when I was hangin' out with my pre-k, all 18 of them, my head starting hurting. Then it started pounding. Then I had to have a talk with pre-k about how Miss Lacey is a big fat baby when it came to being sick at school. She didn't like it and it made her mean!!! Surprise surprise: ALL of pre-k is sick too! Their heads hurt. Their tummies hurt. Their throats hurt. I hear 100 stories about how they've "frowed up" in the past. My little hypochondriacs are very adorable as they sympathized but it really didn't help the headache situation.

So, I was Miss Lacey Grumpy Pants yesterday, but the kids were great, and actually, because I AM Miss Lacey- they never ever ever think I am mean. Ever. Probably because I don't look scary at all. Even when I try. I have to win them all with love and kindness. Some of the teachers can just give a look, and the kids straighten up. Not me. I give a look, and they smile or laugh and shake their heads like "oh Miss Lacey...it's cute that you try."

So anyway, why am I up at 7:29 in the morning on a Friday? Because I am sick. I am quite sick. I frowed up last night. Well, actually it was more like at various times this morning. Even when I had nothing to frow up. I continued to make beautiful frowing up noises. It was most unpleasant. And that's why I told you all about it. Enjoy.

As my Doctor put it, I work in the petri dish of America. And if you recall, my immune system ain't what it ought to be. Mononucleosis does that to you, and when I got mono, I got it BAD. Some of you may recall!

I realize this post could have gone as follows:

"I puked last night so now I won't even be going to work today because I am pretty sick because all those damn kids are sick and I didn't even make it one freaking week without getting their slimy germy sicknesses."

BUT WHERE IS THE FUN IN THAT!?

Also- I really do love those damn sick kids.

*Lacey Jane*

"I thought those puppets were fake BUT THEN THEY STARTED TALKING!!!!"
-Tanya, age 4, when Mr. Music and his puppet friends had left

I Don't Have Time To Update, So Forgive Me When This Sucksss:

2008-12-17T07:57:00.000-08:00

Hello, fellow Blogstars. How are you? I hope that you have all been very very well this holiday season. I know that I have been listening to 103.7 nonstop in the car because they only play Christmas music, and I definitely love Christmas music. I can listen to it every day, and, well, I do. So yeah.

Some of you may recall that I recently mentioned that I was going to be visiting my doctor quite soon. That happened yesterday, and it went, well, it was intense. He basically told me that yes, I am a mess, but lucky for me I am a fixable mess, an easy fix at that, and pretty soon I will be back to being happy and loving and blahblahblah. So that's good news I suppose. I was given medicine to help me sleep, because it's been bad. I don't sleep much. When I do manage to fall asleep at a decent hour, I wake up 2-3 times because of bad dreams. A lot of times, I can't go back to sleep. SO hopefully starting tonight, things will go better in the sleep department.

My doctor recommended a lady for counseling. I will be thinking about that. It isn't about the councelling in general, it is that it is far away, and probably expensive. So we'll see.

He also said that my self esteem seemed to be at an all time low. Which I disagreed. "I'm the shit." I informed him. He said "What are your friends like these days?" And so I gave him a run down of how spectacular my friends are, and he told me to start hanging out with people who are in the same place in life that I am in. I said, "I do, all my friends are within my age group..." He said "that's not what I mean..."

So that kind of sucked... I really adore my friends that I hang out with a lot, so I will continue to hang out with them, but he says he thinks I would be happier with myself if I hung out with more students. Lame. I like diversity in my friends. My friends come from all walks of life. I like that. It helps me learn about all walks of life. I don't know. It was the most confusing part of our talk.

He also prescribed me xanax to help with anxiety and he doubled my zoloft prescription from before. I go back to see him in 3 weeks and hopefully I will be less of a mess. He's a good guy, my doctor. Just. Sometimes he confuses me.

Good news! I passed 3 out of my 4 classes. Failed math. Again. Go figure. I got 2 D's and a C, but STILL. Passed. Better than failing everything. This was definitely the worst semester of my entire life. I am usually a decent B student. Next semester looks promising. Except I am attempting math again. For the third time. We'll see. I hate it. It's hard and we don't get along. Math=Lame.

I'm working at the daycare again. Does anyone who lives near me (coughcristinacough) know of a place to work over the summer that er....isn't....the daycare? My immune system is not what it ought to be, and working in the petrie dish of America is really probably not the best place for me, especially during cold and flu season, when ALL the 2 year olds have neon runny noses.....

I think that is it for my selfish all about me update. There is a lot of dramatic things going on that I am getting tired of. Not tired as in annoyed, but tired as in- well- just. Tired. It is tiring.

And with that, I am going to go dry my hair. It's freezing outside. And it snows every now and then. Which is just sickening. Then I am off to work. Which I am not looking forward to, because really, I didn't get much sleep last night......

2008-12-14T21:17:00.000-08:00

To All Parents of Young Impressionable Children,

2008-12-07T14:22:00.000-08:00

I would just like for you all to consider something as you're raising your adorable kids. It's a subject that some parents do not discuss with their children, that in my opinion is very very important.

At least 10% of US adults experience depression at some point in their lifetime- women twice as likely to have depression than men. Of all the people who suffer from depression, two thirds of them never seek treatment. It is estimated that half of all suicides are comprised of people with untreated depression. However, for the one-third of the population that does seek treatment for depression, 80%-90% feel better within a few weeks.

Many people think that depression is something to take lightly, or something that can be equated to people just being dramatic. A lot of parents with "dramatic" children do not talk about depression or teach their children about it because treatment for depression often includes taking medication, and that scares parents.

What would scare parents even more, is if their child goes untreated for depression because she was raised thinking that people who turn to medication for depression are unintelligent, taking the "easy way out", dramatic, or weak. People who are untreated for depression have a chemical imbalance in their brain, and some of them end up having "an episode" or, to be frank, they going crazy. Then, sometimes, they try to kill themselves. Then, sometimes, they end up in mental hospitals. How fucking scary would that be, parents?

My best friend is in a hospital right now being treated for severe depression. Because she was never taught about depression. She was never taught that it was all right to talk to her doctor about being depressed, and she was never taught that medication could help her. It's not okay to feel sad all the time. To always have that general feeling of malaise. She was taught that people that took medicine for depression were weak and crazy- and she was not weak and crazy.

When I was about 5 or 6, my mom had an "episode". She didn't try to kill herself, but for a good week she was not my mother. She laid in bed with no will to do anything, including be a mom to her four kids. A friend of my moms came into town and took care of us for a week or so, and my mom went to see a new doctor. Dr. Katzen saved my moms life, and in just another week and a half, my mom was back to being my mom. Because he introduced her to prozac for her depression, and to xanax for her anxiety. Anyone who has ever met my mother will tell you how very very strong she is. No one who has met her could ever call her weak, because she's simply not, and taking medication for her chemical imbalance saved her, and gave us our mommy back.

Lately I have been feeling wrong. I have an appointment to see Dr. Katzen, who has become a family friend, next week, because I cannot stop being sad. I can't stop crying, I can't stop feeling hopeless, and I can't stop having bad dreams and irrational thoughts. I was on zoloft for awhile throughout springtime and summer, but got off it because I was feeling much much better. I did well without it for a good long time, but now I am feeling more depressed than ever.

My best friend very unexpectedly trying to kill herself has been hard on everyone, but it has pissed me off because her parents never taught her correctly about what she was going through, and it almost resulted in her death. Had her sister not been there and called the cops, she would have successfully killed herself.

Her and I have had many many conversations about depression, and I have tried to get her to see a doctor, a psychologist or psychiatrist about how she has been feeling. She has thought about it, but her parents have never supported things like that. They raised her to think that she can work through all her problems with her friends and family to support her. Many problems can be worked through with loved ones. But some just cannot. And I can't stress that enough.

So, just to add on to the list of topics that most parents find uncomfortable, please try to educate your child on depression- don't make it a taboo subject. And if you yourself don't feel very educated on the subject, please do yourself a favor, read up on it with an open mind, and an open heart. You might just learn something important.

statistics and facts found on:
www.worldmedicalguide.com
www.knowmydepression.com
www.morefordepression.com
www.webmd.com

Flu Season & Waterworks

2008-12-02T16:41:00.000-08:00

Well, it's (kind of) official. I have the flu. Nausea, headache, achyness, the works. It isn't HORRIBLE yet. My highest temperature was barely 101 degrees, but because it is soo cold outside, and 101 is still a fever, and I feel horrible, I didn't make it to any classes today. I don't feel TOO bad about it because it IS dead week (which is perfect because I might as well be dead with as much as I got accomplished). I just hope I feel better tomorrow so I can start and hopefully finish my FINAL research paper, due on Friday.

My car is broken. Undrivable. And I have no idea when I will be getting it back. So that sucks.

I'm almost out of zoloft, so I need to call in a refill, although I am thinking about just going back to the doctor (you know, when I can get a ride back to town) and talking to him again, because lately EVERYTHING is making me cry. It is not any sort of crucial time in my cycle, so it isn't that... I just can't stop crying. Over ridiculous things. SO lame.

How's this for a freaking lame update?

Outside Time

2008-11-25T12:16:00.000-08:00

If you recall, I highly enjoyed Halloween weekend this year more than any other previous years in my old age (too old to trick or treat with my parents I mean). It was a wonderful weekend spent with lots of people that I love so much. On Sunday of that week, I spent a good 4-5 hours outside. Just relaxing outside with some good friends. Enjoying the day. It was wonderful. And now I have pictures.

I like this picture because to me it looks both sad and hopeful.

There's me not worrying about things.

This might just be the moment I found the cutest little weed flower ever. It looked like a tiny daisy. Then I picked it and held on to it for awhile.

There it is. Hahaha.

This is my bestttt friend Heather. We met when we were three. She moved in across the street. I remember the first time I saw her. She was scooting along on a sesame street themed scoot-a-long thing. She's the one who lives in Austin. Until college rolled around, Heather and I always lived across the street, or down the street, from each other. We are so so lucky to have that advantage, and we know it. We never went to the same school. I really think that helped us. We always had stuff to talk about and we never spent SO much time together all day every day that we got sick of each other. She's simply amazing. 17 years and counting. My longest relationship :o)

This picture was taken by either Heather or Alex from the balcony. There are two of these. I really like both of them. That's Will and Sam that I am hanging with. Will is Heathers' roommate, and Sam is his bestie.

This is another best friend. Alexandra. We met in Kindergarten. I actually remember the first time I met her, too. She looked perfect. Nothing about her was askew. Her hands were folded, her feet crossed, her ties tied properly, her long beautiful hair combed.

Then there was me. A mess. No one could comb my hair. I had to think very hard to even sit still. My ties were constantly untied. I always forgot my modesty shorts. We sat across from each other. My hands were anywhere but folded neatly on the table. We were a perfect match.

We were the smartest, fastest learning two kids in that class. And throughout the next couple years at school. So at least we had that similarity. Some things never change. Alex still looks perfect. Every time I see her.

Here's me enjoying clouds.

It really was a very well spent day, in my opinion.

*Lacey Jane*

Grumbles and Mumbles, & Then Something Happy

2008-11-19T15:52:00.000-08:00

It's so difficult to find a job that can work with my hours. Next semester will hopefully be better. If I can't get a job by next week I will probably have to move home next semester and commute alll the way to Denton every day. SO that sucks.

I really hope I am passing all my classes. I am going to make that a priority....to figure that out....tonight.

I have one more HUGE paper due, and that's it for big projects this semester. woo! The rough draft is due Monday. Yikes.

Next week there is just class on Monday and Tuesday. Then a small break for Thanksgiving, then we come back straight into dead week, then it's finals that next week, then boom. This semester from hell is finally over. I've signed up for classes next semester. Only 13 hours though. Because I have to work fairly often as well.

I am slowly....VERY slowly....starting to accept that I suck at life (in comparison with most my friends and my sister, annie), and will have to stay in college for an extra semester or 2. The thought of this actually makes me want to vomit all over my keyboard- but I would say vomit is a step up from the thought usually causing meltdowns in addition to the vomiting...

I am a good citizen and I gave blood today. Got a free t shirt. XL. Just my size. Or the only one they had left.

One of my peers from acting class called me up a few days ago. Haven't talked to her since May... We weren't very close, but I guess somehow she heard that I was pregnant and miscarried, and just when I can go a couple hours without thinking about it, I have lovely people reminding me.

Although, I am not angry with her. But turns out- she's pregnant. And has no idea what to do. She asked me what I did to have a miscarriage so she can avoid doing it. I very patiently, without crying, gave her a small lesson on miscarriages, that hopefully she learned and learned well, so that maybe if someone else in her life has one, she will avoid questions like "why did you have one?"

She's going to have a beautiful, healthy baby.

I know this because she doesn't know how far along she is to the exact day. She doesn't know how to spell obgyn. She doesn't know who the godparents of her baby are going to be. She doesn't have a tentative name for her child. She doesn't have very supportive friends, and the father ditched her and ran away immediately. She doesn't want this baby, and that's how I know she's going to have it.

Soooo.

On the 6th I am co-hosting an ABC Party. For those of you who aren't aware, an ABC Party means Anything But Clothes. I will be going as a game. Wearing a twister board as a dress or bikini, and gluing puzzle pieces and other various board game schtuff to my body. I'm excited.

I suppose that's all for this random update.

Wait! Every Thursday, I have been throwing romantic dinner parties for my two really awesome galpals. They drive in from North Richland Hills and we spend the evening eating a lovely meal, drinking lovely wine, and bitching about pretty much everything. It is awesome, and candlelit, and has really made my weeks better. Giving me something to look forward to and plan. This Thursday we have another girl joining us, so I am ULTRA excited for that! This will be the third Thursday that we've done this, so hopefully we can keep it up.

Okay. Lots of love to you, fellow bloggineers.

*Lacey Jane*

A Haiku For You, My Friends

2008-11-14T08:15:00.000-08:00

Five AM: Wake up
My monthly cycle is back
I've come full circle

A Story For You, My Friends.

2008-11-12T19:29:00.000-08:00

Today, my Lovelies, I was walking to Spanish, as if in a dream. All...walkin' along. And just. Chillin'.

And there was a girl. And she was in front of me. Semi-far away.

And I judged her in my mind, because that happens. To everyone. Admit it.

She was an interesting looking lady. I could not quite put my finger on why.

As she got closer, I examined her closely.er. closelyer.

....

She had wavy dark blond hair tied back in a ponytail. A knee-length black skirt, and a pretty peach blouse.

Not a bad outfit, really. But STILL. Something odd.

Luckily, i was both on my phone, and had sunglasses on. Which warranted extra-obnoxious staring.

As she neared even CLOSER, I gave her a once over. You know the type. You start at the top, you go to the bottom, you stop to focus on the girls boner,

.....WAIT.

Yeah.

BONER.

THE GIRL HAD A BONER.

WAHTKAJD:LTG~

I didn't know UNT had TRANNYS!!!!!?!!!

This one? Not so good. Could see her DICK.

Anyway. That's my life.

*Lacey Jane*

"Hey Lady, NICE COCK"

-Me.

in my head.

Everything Block (creative, huh?)

2008-11-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

Fellow Blogstars, I really can't figure out how to live from day to day. I am failing at it. I go through all the motions but I'm not getting enough accomplished. I feel kind of like a huge failure.

School:

Oh I hate school these days. I fell a bit behind when I miscarried. It is SO BAD to fall a bit behind your junior year of college, because it is SO HARD to catch back up. I HOPE I am passing all my classes. I have been turning in all my assignments, but when I get them back with poor grades, they are not near as awesome as I thought they were when I first handed them in. I have no doubt that I will fail math. I might even fail English. I talked to a a lot of people in my English class today, though, and they all seem to think that she is a very unfair grader, and they all might fail as well. A girl got her paper back today and burst into tears. I looked at mine- a B+, hey awesome! But wait....-10 points for a formatting problem (A formatting problem. Not multiple), so a C+. Great. That sucks. For me. On an ENGLISH PAPER. My BEST subject. Guess not this semester. It is so frustrating to consistently do NOTHING but homework every single night, and still get poor grades.

Work:

Still no job. I completed my TABC yesterday so as soon as I get that in the mail I am going to go apply at sleazy bars up and down Fry St because NO ONE ELSE will hire me. Also, I wonder how I even think I will be able to hold a job when I can BARELY finish my homework from 5-11 every night.

Friends:

Oh my friends are wonderful. I REALLY wish they didn't live 45 minutes away. Or that I didn't live 45 minutes away, really. I usually see friends on weekends, although now I am completely out of gas and completely out of money. So, FAIL.

Living Alone:

Why didn't anyone tell me living alone was so lonely? And if they DID, why didn't I listen? I don't mind being alone during the day. But I hate being alone at night.

Working Out:

lkasdjf;laksdhjf';alkhed;klrj

Eating:

I eat damn well, thanks. Kind of. Sometimes. At least once a day. Better than most college kids.

Writing:

I so signed up for NaNoWriMo this month. I have started at least 6 novels. Hated them all. Gave up. Started writing my movie. That's going well. Format isn't there. Plot isn't there. So far all I have are characters, and a bunch of stories to incorporate. That's at least a string to grasp at.

SO- Life lately? Sucks. Really. Just in the past 3 weeks or so.

NOT counting weekends. My weekends have been splendid. It's the damn weeks that really bring me way way down.

I just can't deal lately.

Thanks for putting up with my bitching for the day :o) it's appreciated.

On The Road Again...

2008-11-07T16:46:00.000-08:00

One of my newest but already closest friends (Candace) has been (over the past month and a half) moving from Austin to here (well...40 minutes away), and it looks like she is just about all moved in!! It is really exciting because Candace won't be disappearing to Austin every other week or so.

....Well, except tonight. But I will be going with her! And I am very excited. I have gone over there with her once before, and I am going with her again tonight. I am excited because I thought I was going to be staying in Denton alll weekend long, and the thought petrified me, even though I know that is ridiculous. So now I have PLANS!!! And it includes riding in a car for about 4 hours, being silly, being bored, being obnoxious, and being it all with a good friend.

Sounds like a good weekend already.

Causing Controversy: My Least Fave Thing To Do:

2008-11-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

I was up all night last night because I wanted to watch the election before starting my 6 page communications paper (complete with 6 sources) on a topic that I hadn't chosen yet. At 7:30 this morning, I finished my paper (possibly the best I've written in college- woo!), and got on facebook, where the endless cries for help and bitching about the outcome of the election filled the page.

I really just could not deal with that. So, being EXHAUSTED and annoyed, I wrote a note to my fellow republicans saying:

Okay so I don't really try to affiliate either way with either party, but I will admit that I swing more to the conservative side.

The thing is- in my opinion- either way, America did not really choose the most worthy of candidates to run for president. I wasn't happy when Obama won last night, but I wouldn't have been all too happy if McCain won either.

HOWEVER:

Now it's over. Let's please calm down a little. President Obama is what he is: The President of the United States of America. It's not an easy job. He won the election...hmm....HOURS ago. And already people are dismissing him. It sucks that he has to start out this way, with so many people degrading him so completely without even giving him a chance to do well. If you can't respect a guy for being your president who so far, as president, has a clean slate- then really? Who can you respect? People who are claiming that they want to move, ha-ha-ha. Everyone knows that you don't actually plan on moving, but if you continue complaining about something that hasn't even gone wrong yet- everyone else is really going to want you to follow up on your threats. I hear New Zealand is indeed beautiful. Have a nice time, I will let you know what happens over here.

Because, even if I don't agree with the president- he is still my president. I still love you, America. I hope you stay strong, and I hope that everything turns out for the very best.

If you can't be optimistic- please just be quiet...

*Lacey Jane*

I didn't realize so many people would disagree with me. I usually have always tried to be a really optimistic person, and I can see good in every single person.

As a disclaimer to this note- I guess I should have been more clear that yes- I too am scared for America. I think we should prepare for war, because if the troops get pulled out of Iraq- I personally believe that Iraq will follow them. And then there will be war IN America, and I can't even begin to tell you how frightening that is.

But the thing is- I HATE how whiny and bitchy republicans are sounding. It kind of reminds me of how the democrats were in 2000. And I just wanted everyone to shut up when so far- none of that drastic change has even happened. And being optimistic- all I can do is pray and hope that it is as positive as can be, even though my gut feeling is telling me otherwise.

It's been wrong before. My gut feeling. Remember when I was going to have a baby? I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE A BABY. And then I miscarried. So, where were you on that one, gut feeling?

All I know for sure is, either way this country was screwed.

Gotta say though- From segregation to nomination in half a century is pretty cool.

As Dave says- the government is not our country, so America- I still love you lots. Good luck, and stay strong and united. Please.

Satire?

2008-11-05T00:46:00.000-08:00

This is supposed to be a satirical piece. It is by Thomas J. DeLorenzo and it pretty much sums it up:

"Americans will decide next week whether the next president will be a socialist or a national socialist. Lest you think I exaggerate, consider McCain’ campaign theme of "country first" before everything else – your private life, your job, your children, your education, your marriage, everything. Ask yourself how this differs from the philosophy of German fascism, which preached "the common good comes before the private good" (see Paul Lensch, Three Years of World Revolution).

Or consider the fact that McCain supported the Wall Street Plutocrat Bailout Bill. A defining characteristic of fascism was that all profits were private, but losses were socialized. And oh yes, military imperialism (a.k.a., "national greatness conservatism") and a dictatorial executive were also key features of European fascism. Recall that McCain promised that if elected (paraphrasing), "I will order the Secretary of the Treasury to buy up all of the foreclosed mortgages." Is that really a part of the delegated powers in Article I, Section 8 of the U.S. Constitution?

Then there is Comrade Obama, who has announced that he wants to "change the world" by "spreading the wealth." Didn’t Marx and Engels say the same thing in 1848? As is well known, Obama has long had a close association with ACORN, the far-left political organization that employed him as its legal counsel in Chicago. It is ACORN-style "community organizing" that Obama claims is his political forte and qualification for running for president. He boasts of having worked with ACORN to register tens of thousands of new voters and has defended the organization against all critics. It is safe to assume that there must be a congruence of interests between Obama and ACORN.

So the question becomes, what does ACORN (and by implication, Obama) stand for politically and philosophically? It so happens that I researched and wrote about ACORN over twenty years ago when I co-authored a book and numerous articles on the subject of "tax-funded politics," i.e., the (illegal) granting of tax dollars to "nonprofit" organizations to fund political activities. ACORN was receiving single grants from the federal government in the half million dollar range as far back as the 1970s.

And what was ACORN doing with your hard-earned tax dollars? According to the 1983 ACORN Members Handbook, "We will continue our fight until the American way is just one way, until we have shared the wealth . . . our freedom shall be based on the equality of the many . . ." Socialism, in other words.

The Handbook published a very communistic-sounding "Peoples’ Platform." With regard to the energy industry, nationalization was recommended in order to "put people before profits," one of the oldest of Marxist slogans. The Marxists never understood that in the free market the only way a business could earn profits was to serve its customers.

All of the public utilities should also be nationalized according to ACORN, so that the prices of electricity, natural gas, etc. could be determined politically according to "social considerations." Nor would there be any discontinuation of service for nonpayment, said the ACORN Handbook, which begs the question, "why would anyone pay their bills under such a standard?"

Price controls would be the order of the day for industries that were not nationalized, and the "health care plank" of the "People’s Platform" called for socialized health care. All hospitals would be managed by "democratically elected community-based committees." "Throw doctors and hospital administrators off the boards of directors, and replace them with a low and moderate income majority," demands the People’s Platform. Can you think of a better way to totally destroy health care in America?

The housing industry would also be subjected to the ruinous policies of price controls and prohibitions of evictions of tenants who failed to pay their rent. Welfare indexed for inflation would be part of "the rights of workers" when out of work, as would a "guaranteed minimum family income." Corporations would be required to have low-income rabble on their boards of directors to give "the people" a "voice."

In short, ACORN has always advocated nothing short of the destruction of American capitalism and its replacement by the dumbest and most destructive forms of socialism. For years, it made millions for itself by "challenging" bank mergers and branch expansions, as allowed for by the 1977 Community Reinvestment Act. In return for millions in donations and promises to make millions more in sub-prime loans to unqualified borrowers (i.e., "the people" referred to in "The Peoples’ Platform"), ACORN would withdraw its protests (usually administered by the Fed) and the banks would be permitted by the Fed to carry out their plans. ACORN worked diligently for three decades to force mortgage lenders, though this policy of legalized extortion, to make bad loans to unqualified borrowers. And their defenders, like Obama, claim that the Community Reinvestment Act and all of the "community organizations" that it empowered had nothing to do with the sub-prime crisis. It was all caused by "greed," they tell us. Have we really become a nation of morons?

So here’s your choice on election day: McMussolini (as Ilana Mercer calls him) or ObaMarx. Take your pick. Or do the patriotic thing and stay home. Don’t vote. It only gives them a reason to claim that "the people have spoken" and that they have a "mandate" to ruin our country."

The Good, The Bad, The Scary

2008-11-04T10:22:00.001-08:00

The Good:

Mom didn't take my car. She got here ultra late (for her) and seemed to be in a really good mood. That's how I know she's been good at taking her medication lately. So YAY! Also, today I will be going to vote.

The Bad:

I didn't vote early. I should have. Now I have to leave math class early to make it in time. She's mean when people leave early. She makes fun of them after they leave. I will be failing that class anyway. For the second time. Math is totally not my forte.

The Scary:

We'll have a new president soon. Not that the current one has done such a spankin' job. But I am so scared for the country. No matter who gets elected, I cannot see anything EXTRA wonderful coming from either of them.

Have a great day, America. And please go vote. It matters. It counts. You'll feel good about yourself. You'll get a cool sticker.

*Lacey Jane*

"In the late 1950's, most Cubans thought that Cuba needed a change, and they were right.

So, when a young leader came along, every Cuban was at least receptive.

When the young leader spoke eloquently and passionately and denounced the old system, the press fell in love with him. They never questioned who his friends were or what he really believed in. When he said he would help the farmers and the poor and bring free medical care and education to all, everyone followed. When he said he would bring justice and equality to all, everyone said, "Praise the lord.
" And, when the young leader said, "I will be for change and I 'll bring you change," everyone yelled, "Viva Fidel!"

But nobody asked about the change.

So...

By the time the executioner's guns went silent, the people's guns had been taken away.

By the time everyone was equal, they were equally poor, hungry, and oppressed.

By the time everyone received his or her free education, it was worth nothing.

By the time the press noticed, it was too late, because they were now working for him.

By the time the change was finally implemented, Cuba had been knocked down a couple of notches to a third-world status.

By the time the change was over, more than a million people had taken to boats, rafts, and inner tubes.

You can call those who made it ashore to anywhere else in the world, the most fortunate Cubans.

And, now I 'm back to the beginning of my story. I hope that you will pay attention.

Luckily, we would never in America, fall for a young leader who promised change without asking, "What change? How will you carry it out? What will it cost America?"

Would we?"

-- Manuel Alvarez, Jr.

Weekend=Flawless Monday=(fl)awful.

2008-11-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

Internet, I wish I could sit here and type to you all about my weekend. I wish I could start from the very first second that it began, and end to the very last second it ended, which was roughly around 8:30 this morning.

I can't though, because 1- I do not have the time, and 2- I do not have the language skills necessary to describe my Sunday afternoon.

I will tell you, however, that it was indeed a truly spectacular weekend, full of friends, parties, driving and well...all this...other stuff. Just know, internet- that it was just wonderful.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. I got back to Denton this morning around 4am, and went over to Jamie's to finish some homework. Then, sometime in the four and a half hours between me getting there and leaving for class, my car got towed.

...again... because this happened last month...

So, needless to say- my parents are pissed. And now they're taking my car.

It gets increasingly difficult to remember how beautiful yesterday was, when today is just purely shitty so far. Maybe it's because I drove for 6 hours last night and then only slept for three, but my mood has gone way way down. I dread seeing my parents, and I feel terrible to let them down by getting my car towed... But I couldn't get a visitors pass so late and I really needed her printer to finish my homework for my 9am class!!!! Ughghghghg.

Now, I am stuck here in Denton with no means for escape. Just like I was stuck in KS with no car. And in Nacogdoches. And even when I lived with my parents again until I got here and had no car. I felt stuck. Just like I am stuck here now.

I was so excited to do NaNoWriMo, but now I'm not sure I will even start writing a novel. I don't feel like I would finish.

I really wish I could've filled this post with glorious stories about my weekend, but all I feel like doing is bitching about Monday.

In other news: Tina was a big hit...

Halloween!

2008-10-31T08:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween! I love halloween. Very very much so. Over the past 3 years, I have been different diva's...Observe:

Freshman Year: Gwen Stefani (with mono)

Sophomore Year: Britney Spears

Classic Britney-Twat-Shot:

And this year, I will become one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES, Tina Turner. Pictures to come...

Boo Obama- and Boo McCain....I don't like either of them.

2008-10-27T22:14:00.001-07:00

"John McCain and Barack Obama were walking down the street and came to
a homeless person.

John McCain, gave him his business card and told him to
come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and
gave it to the homeless person.

Obama was impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, he
stepped forward to help. He gave him directions to the welfare office,
then reached into McCain's pocket and got out another $20. He kept $15
for administrative costs and gave the homeless person $5."

In this little scenario, obviously written by a McCain supporter, but still very close to truth- the fact is- both throw money at the homeless person, but do either of them actually acknowledge the fact that he is homeless?

I've always been so excited to turn 18 and vote. This is my first presidential election that I am able to vote in. It's pretty sad that I don't want to vote because I can't agree even 50% with either opponent. I will say that because the whole house is democratic right now, I don't think that we should have a democratic president as well. I didn't think it was right when the whole house was republican and we had a republican president either. Checks and balances.

I'm not very political. I do not enjoy political debates. When people write about politics, I read them, and take them for what they are worth, but never do I comment, because they are so free to their opinions, and that's cool. I don't like when people try to convert me either religiously or politically, because I am not an idiot. I read the candidates political sites, and I take what I take from them. I watch the debates, but not the news. I think the media is too corrupt, so I am not a huge fan of it, but I take what I take from the debates and the websites. My views are just as valid as anyone's.

.... This is probably the only "political" post I will ever write. I hate that I don't want to vote in this election. I hate even more that I probably will vote. I will vote for someone that I don't agree with. And I really hate that. In truth, I am sad that Ron Paul didn't make it through...

Blunt.

2008-10-25T17:23:00.000-07:00

"How is school going?"
"not so well."
"aw why not?"
"I got pretty behind"
"that's not good. How did you do that?"
"I had a miscarriage"
"Oh... well I'm sorry to hear that"
"Yeah.."

I've probably had that conversation 30 times in the last 2.5 weeks. People always look surprised, but I am not trying to hide anything.

It was never a matter of feeling like I couldn't talk freely about my miscarriage to whoever I wanted to. I talk freely about anything and everything that I want to talk freely about to anyone and everyone. That above conversation I have had with just as many strangers as I have people I know, love, and trust. I've been reading a lot about people saying that miscarriages are taboo and people aren't comfortable talking about them because that is how society has made it, but I have never really been one to go with the grain.
I think something that has helped me is that I have been exposed to miscarriages fairly frequently. As unfortunate as that is, I suppose it has helped me in the long run be more open about it, because the adults that had them when I was a child were open about it with their children, who in turn were open about it with me. I grew up with many catholic families. I know a woman who has been pregnant 15 times. She has 9 children. I know another who has been pregnant 13 times. She has 8 children. My grandmother had 2 miscarriages. I speak freely to people about my miscarriage because it DOES happen a lot, and it shouldn't be an uncomfortable subject. If someone missed a week of school because their brother died, they would tell people it was because their brother died.
Essentially, my baby died. So I think I took a well needed week off school, and I wish I could take longer off.
I really wish everyone had this take on miscarriages, so I wouldn't get the question I hate most.

"Why?"

.....are you serious? WHY? Because of all the heroin I shot up as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Because of all that alcohol I drank to wash down the pills I popped.

There isn't a specific reason, you asshole(s). I didn't do anything wrong. Sure. I was stressed. Even preggo's who PLAN their child (go you guys!) get stressed when they're pregnant. It's part of being pregnant. Stress doesn't cause miscarriages.

I know this post is not very organized, but it has been a long month, and I am just not feeling the need to write correctly. Please excuse how unintelligent I sound lately, and have a great night.

*Lacey Jane*

HSM 3 Premiere

2008-10-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't know, within the last two months I have seen Highschool Musical and Highschool Musical 2 an inexcusable amount of times with my good friend, Jamie. She's a big fan, and lent me the first one. I watched it, hated it, judged her, and with lots of whining and pleading on her part, rewatched it. This time, with her.

Watching it WITH Jamie was an entire different ball park. There are so many glaring errors in the first two HSM's, and Jamie knows where all of them are. If you watch them with a huge sense of humor, knowing that they are as cheesy as they could possibly be, you will eventually grow to love those damn movies.

SO much so, that you and a group of your friends go see the midnight premiere of the third and final movie.

....Dressed like this:

Ryan, Sharpay, Troy, Gabriella, and Taylor

Yes, we had a white girl as a mexican girl, and a mexican girl as an african american girl. We didn't do it to offend, but to tribute and be as accurate as possible. Please give me your opinions on this, because I plan on doing a similar thing for Halloween.

Also, I realize that the Wildcats aren't blue and white, they're red and white, but we worked with what we had. I really loved being Sharpay and Ryan with Jon. He was a champ. We were stars. And...and we had stars. Glued to our faces. To emphasize the point that we were stars.

Anyway. All in all good time. The movie was good, cheesy and cute, just like we all knew it would be, and afterwards- a 9 year old fan got to have her picture taken with us. Overall successful night.

"For all these years

We've stood together,

Friends forever

Now we are gunna move on

The future is our divide,

But our friendshipIt will never end.

Let's hold hands one more time,

Enjoy the night,

Enjoy the memory

For it will never end."

-It Will Never End, HSM3

So Much To Talk About!!!!!

2008-10-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you have so much to say but you don't want to put it ALL in one blog post? I have so many topics to write on but I do not want to write a novel on here about everything that I want to say. I want to keep my posts medium-medium long in length so that they aren't ridiculous and get boring. But I just want to say it all right now. SO I guess the logical (in my mind anyway) thing to do is make a list (of course. I'm very listy) of things I want to talk about- and take it one day at a time.

I generally like to leave posts up for a couple days so that I am sure that people read them, and then maybe I can get helpful comments on them... But I just feel so overloaded lately that I guess I shouldn't worry about that.

Okay. My list.

1. Highschool Musical 3- Friday
2. My take on miscarriages being taboo- Saturday
3. Politics (woah. scandalous. I NEVER write about politics. ever.)- Sunday
4. Living with Jamie these past couple weeks.- Monday
5. Moving back into my apartment.-Tuesday
6. Lloyd & Elliott- Wednesday
7. NanoWriMo- Thursday
8. Halloween- Friday

Okay. Good. Now at least I have a starting point. Tomorrow I will write about Highschool Musical 3. I will do my best to stick to those 8 topics over the next 8 days. We'll see what happens though, things come up, and side-stories take their place...

*Lacey Jane*

"When you dream there's a chance you'll find
A little laughter or a happy ever after"
-HSM2, "You Are The Music In Me"

Small Warning...

2008-10-22T23:03:00.000-07:00

I am going to begin the very very slow and tedious process of updating ALL my xanga posts to this blog. I know. That's crazy talk. But I feel the need. I might try to upload 1 or 2 pages a day. I was 16 when I started blogging. When I think about it, that is not that long ago.

But it feels like a really long time. Truly.

Schlumping.

2008-10-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

Blogosphere, I think the World is in a slump. Maybe it's just me (and everyone else I know and/or come across), but is everything kind of blah lately? Marriages are breaking up, people are getting really sick, people are becoming more depressed and unhappy as the minutes pass. Whattttt is going on? I can't really blame it on the weather anymore, like I have been doing. It doesn't really matter what the weather is like, I can always blame something on it. I thought I would just kind of throw that out there and see if anyone else is experiencing negativity overload.
I used to be a really optimistic person, and I am even optimistic that one day I will be again. The past couple weeks I have been totally pessimistic, and it has been difficult to get anything done. I really need a job. I used to work at a sandwich shop but when I miscarried I took a week off, and suffice to say, they don't need people that take weeks off. They have 35 or so people hired for this little tiny sandwich shop. I don't really blame them, but it is so damn hard to get a job in this town. I will start working on it really hard soon. My mom has been really great in helping me out financially, but she has 2 other kids in college, another who needs help with student loans, and 2 other kids out there somewhere doing who knows what. She helps us all financially, and she works on commission only. Some months are really great and some are not. Even on great months it is hard to make ends meet for her. My dad recently (finally) found a job, but who knows how well that will help. He also will be working commission only, but he only barely started.
I really hate having to worry about money. I really hate that I am supposed to go to school full time and work full time and still have time to work out, eat well, and have a social life. I wish I could do all those things and still be able to volunteer my time to help other people, or go to church, or visit my Kansas friends or my Houston friends. But right now, I do not feel like doing ANYTHING. At all. None of it. I feel like laying around. Watching movies that I don't even really pay attention to.
But, internet, you'll be happy to know that I come to you today from the library at UNT. Because I had an assignment that MUST be completed INSIDE the library. I am almost ashamed to admit that this is my first time inside a college library since my freshman year. At the same time, the internet library offers many of the same resources that actually coming here does, so it's not really a big deal. The point is- I got up today, took a shower, DID MY HAIR (weird), even put on some make up- to walk 20 minutes in the rain to the library.
So here I am, mulling different things over, like clinical depression and how I don't think about it a lot even though it is all around me. Anyone who doesn't "believe" in clinical depression has obviously never met one of my best friends in the world. Or my mother. Even mild cases of depression are REAL and SCARY and SAD and painful. People who don't believe in depression at all are in severe denial in my opinion. They haven't met...well. Me. Even though! I digress! I am not a big huge case. I have depression medication that would barely affect an infant that I take dutifully because I do not LIKE feeling this way and I don't know what ELSE to do because everything else makes me want to die. Walking to class? Horrible. Moving at all? Terrible. Eating food? Disgusting. Taking a shower? Chore. Laying around in my own filth and hating the world? Not so bad, but really? Not productive.
So in a couple weeks, I hope to feel a little bit different inside. I hope to wake up again and love being who I am, where I am, and why I am. I hope to call an old friend and play catch up for 20 minutes. I hope to go outside and embrace the sunshine, the rain, the falling leaves, or whatever else is out there. I hope to not dread ever single day.

I GET IT, Universe. PLEASE Stop Mocking Me. ASAP.

2008-10-13T13:10:00.000-07:00

I've heard that when you miscarry, you tend to see a lot of pregnant ladies or people with babies a bit more than before you were ever pregnant. What I have not heard is really just how downright CRUEL the Universe can actually be. I really thought that we were homeboys. The Universizzle and myself. But I guess not.

Saturday I worked the Michael Buble (howww do I accent the e?) concert. I took tickets, which was nice, but I kind of wish I could've seen more of the concert. The guy is a charmbucket. No doubt.

Anyway, they gave me the line that they directed all the giddy pregnant women to. I didn't see the sign, but there must have been one somewhere. I lost count somewhere in the teens at how many went through my line, and at least 5 of them commented on how they were pregnant (by talking about how they had to pee, by happily pressing their friends' hands to their stomach, etc), and the whole time I was dealing. I can deal with that stuff. It's fine. Good for them. Lucky them. I'm cool. I'm dealing. I'm not crying. Shut up, Michael Buble, with your sad songs and your pretty voice, I'm not crying.

I might've TEARED a bit, but there was absolutely NO crying.

THEN. Then a grandfather came through the line with his two grandsons. An 8 year old (I assume), and a 6.5-7 month old. I would swear on it. I'm good at guessing baby ages. Based on how they act, how they focus, and how they look of course. Anyway- This sweet old guy (probably late 50's- not THAT old..) He came through the line and I commented on what a group of heartbreakers they were, which made him laugh, and the 8 year old look confused. They were so cute, especially, of course, the baby, who I really just wanted to hang out with. "Excuse me, he won't remember this. Give him to me for a few hours!", but instead I just smiled. Ya know.

About 3 hours later, he's walking around with his grandsons again, and they're heading outside. I smile at them again. Because I'm a smiley ticket taker. On his way back in, he literally THRUSTS HIS GRANDCHILD AT ME and says "Here take him, I'm done for awhile." in a smiley sarcastic voice, which had no negativity in it at all. He thought he was being so funny by handing a baby to me.

First of all- ouch.

Second of all- OH man. If I weren't wearing heels, I swear I could've outrun everyone with that baby. He was awesome.

Third of all- I held him for a good minute and a half before he realized he actually didn't know who I was, and wanted to go back to grandpa, who was smiling and flirting in a very harmless way the whole time.

Fourth of all- I love people that hand me babies. I love babies that want me to hold them (My whole life, babies and small children in grocery lines and church and anywhere have come up to me and tried to get me to pick them up. Sometimes I do, because I cannot resist, and sometimes I don't, because some parents freak about stuff like that. Which is understandable, but dude- your kid wants me to hold him/her. How can I say no?)

Anway- as nice and painful as that way- I know it was just the Universe sittin' back and laughing at me.

I haven't bled since Friday night/Saturday morning. All of Saturday and Sunday resulted in 3 clean pads. Woo!

TODAYYYY, I was pretty much accepting the fact that I have to go back to class. I missed my first one because I am too far behind to go sit in class while everyone works on stage 3 of something that I haven't even started... But I went to my afternoon class, celebrating the feeling of no underwear once again (I've never enjoyed wearing underwear), and my Spanish class went really well. No one talked to me, which was great. The teacher read my (horrible) Dr.'s note (more on that later) and excused me from all classes missed last week, including a quiz I missed.

Then I went on my way to my comm class. My favorite class! Cool. This will be enjoyable. I hope. I have an exam today, according to my calendar. SO I head for Wooten- the building that is furthest away from all my other classes and my apartment. But it's okay. It's comm.

Something doesn't feel right. That sucks. What is that feeling. It feels familiar. Whyyyy am I having that feeling.

(Those are the thoughts that are going through my mind, in case you were wondering)

I get to Wooten, go to the bathroom, and embrace, with much loathing, the torrents of blood issuing forth from my nether reigions. Soaking through my dark jeans and continuing to steadily drip as I sit there, cursing the Universe, who I can almost HEAR chuckling in the corner.

Lucking I'm wearing a really old, really long t shirt today. It was tied up a bit, but I let it down so no one would have to go through this happy time with me (except you fine people), and headed back home. Sorry Comm class.

Don't worry about the exam. I didn't even go to the correct building. The exam is NEXT Monday. Lame. But good. Sucks that I walked all the way to Wooten though, when my class was chillin' in GAB (RIGHT across the street from my apartment).

Needless to say, all it took was one glowing pregnant woman on my way home (I saw three, but ONE WAS ENOUGH) for me to burst into tears and come back to my apartment.

If it weren't for Jamie, I would be popping a xanax and going to sleep right now.

But I have a spectacular friend who invited me over later this evening, and I'm just going to go over there now.

Have a special day, everyone. I can't decide whether I want to get on the Universe's good side, or try to piss it off even more... Lately we haven't quite been getting along.

*Lacey Jane*

Dear Cowboys,

2008-10-12T16:40:00.001-07:00

You guys are about to go into overtime. Just wanted to say thanks for the hives.

-Lacey Jane

Caffeine...Probably Not The Best Idea...

2008-10-08T12:03:00.000-07:00

I haven't had caffeine since probably 3 or 4 days prior to finding out I was pregnant. So it's been about a month and a half.

So last night when Jamie and I drank a pot of coffee so we could stay up a few more hours to do homework, I REALLY should've taken that into account. That was at 10pm. Here we are at 2:05pm the next day. Have I even felt the NEED to sleep? No. Not even the need. I have even TRIED.

I am not looking forward to the low that this coffee high is bound to bring.

In other, more disgusting news- Still bleeding in lovely little chunks! Still having horrid cramps around the same time every day, which I find to be rather off putting (430am, 1030am, 430pm, etc). Still devastatingly sad! But hey. I wrote a fucking paper today! It was torturous, because frankly, I just do not care about comm2020, or identity concepts. It's a B- paper. At best. For me? That's not so hot. But I really don't care.

I promise to try to care next week. But even the doctor said not to care about anything but resting (oops) and getting lots of liquids until Friday or Saturday, when physically, I should be back to normal. If I am miscarrying normally. Which I should be. Doing something normally has never felt so wrong.

Anyway. I don't know if you can TELL how scattered I am right now, but I am going to go take a shower, because that's seriously what I need to do right now. Then MAYBE I'll unwind.

*Lacey Jane*
"I'm still awake."
"how?"
"watching 7th heaven."
"in your condition?"
"i know. and it's like a 7th heaven marathon."
"are you crying yet?"
"sobbing. lucy just got married. it was so cheesy and beautiful."
"are you at least laughing at yourself for crying so hard at 7th heaven?"
"you betcha."

I love my friends, truly. they get me.

Sometimes I Wish I Carried A Spork Around With Me....

2008-10-07T10:18:00.000-07:00

Right after my doctor told me I would lose this baby, I had to go to class. Then work. Obviously that was not a good day, but you do what you have to do. At work, people asked me how my appointment went, and, not being one who has any personal life whatsoever, simply because I don't really care if you know everything about me- I told them.

There was a girl working who I had never met before, because at the sandwich shop I work at, they've employed 36 people. So I am sure there are a lot of people I don't know. She hears me talk about my 95% chance of miscarrying, and, without hesitating, turns to me and says:

"You probably won't miscarry if you start eating well and maybe gain some weight."

She doesn't say it in a mean tone. She actually meant it as a helpful statement. She was lucky I was in a non-insane-lady-mood.

THEN, last night, Jamie and I were running a small errand, to buy cake or something equally important, and we ran into a guy from work. He asked me why I wasn't at work, and when I told him, he said that I probably miscarried because I've been under a lot of stress lately.

Because this was my fault. And I guess everyone who gets pregnant and goes along to have nice healthy, happy babies- I guess THOSE people are NEVER stressed ever.

I really hate people sometimes, and really what are sporks good for besides removing people's eyeballs?

This is nice. Why don't people realize this?

Your Time in Limbo is Officially Over! Welcome to Hell.

2008-10-06T13:04:00.001-07:00

I've read a decent amount on the internet about miscarriages. They all say about the same thing. That you will have heavy bleeding and uncomfortable cramps. I don't know what kind of happy-go-lucky miscarriages those people were having when they wrote that, but I am here to tell you about my miscarriage. Every disgusting, TMI, horrible detail.

Last night. 9pm.

Stomachache. Not comfortable. Fell asleep.

10pm

Woke up. Stomach was not so bad. Went pee. Started spotting. Great. Perf. I texted Lloyd who tried to remind me that spotting was normal and there's still hope. All I could do was be positive. And drink lots of water.

1130pm

Cue heavier bleeding, and me being pissed off. I was still at home at this point, about to make my way back to Denton. I knew it was starting and would probably get worse, so I took off. Called Lloyd who was at a friends house in NRH. I ended up going over there.

12-2am

Hung out with some truly wonderful people. Bleeding heavily all the while. More and more heavily as the night went on. Cramps were moderate to bad, but still bearable. I started passing lumpy, bloody clots (mm I know you were excited to hear about those)..Lots of them. Said bye to Lloyd. Lots and lots and lots of crying. Very sad. Went back to Denton.

245-445am

Hung out with Jamie. Went and bought pads. Huge ones. Because oh man. The bleeding. Imagine having 5 periods at once. With lots of clots. Clotsclotsclots. Jamie and I decided to go to bed. Jamie went into her room and I chose to sleep on the couch. Fell asleep. Probably on pad 6 or 7 by now.

455-630am

Woke up every 5-15 minutes, went to the bathroom to hopefully rid myself of the cramps that were encompassing my lower abdomen with so so so much pain. I've had kidney stones twice. Those are horrible. This was just as bad, sometimes worse. The cramps radiated from my chest to my thighs. Horrible. So much blood. like a water fountain of blood, every time I was in any sort of upright position. I called my mom. No matter how old you are, sometimes you just need your mom. She got there and gave me extra strength tylenol and xanax. I finally was able to fall asleep.

1030am

"Lacey our cars got towed."Awoke to this lovely sentence, sat straight up as quickly as possible, shouldn't have- laid back down, even more defeated. Great. No cars. 160 each to get them out. Cash only. Between the three of us we don't have 320 dollars. But eventually it gets taken care of. Cramps have subsided. Bleeding as well. Eat a bit of lunch. Breakfast. Whatever it is. Called the doctor to make an appointment. Left a message.

2-330pm

Got the cars back. Got the cramps back. Finally got a call back from the doctor. Have an appointment tomorrow at 130 to make sure everything is going well. I mean as well as they could. You know. Took more tylenol. Mom is about to leave... Two best friends are on their way to be with me. There's just nothing for anyone to do, but it is so kind that they want to be here for me, just to be here.

That's all for now. We're pretty much caught up to now. A different nurse called me and was very kind. She went through this last month and gave me tips to help with pain. She was helpful. I am not looking forward to the next few days. As she said, the worst seems over, but I haven't passed the fetal tissue yet, and apparently that will be the worst part.

Emotionally I am just.

On xanax. So we don't have to worry about that at the same time as the pain. Ha.

*UPDATE*

Tuesday Night. 4am. The cramps returned. GAHHHH.... So horrible.

If we were going about this pregnancy from my last missed period, which we should've in the first place- I lost the baby at exactly 10 weeks 1 day. Just. Really sad.

The cramps have subsided again (tuesday- 1130am), but the bleeding is still there. Steady, not heavy, and clotty. Lovely. I have yet to go to class or work. Lloyd will be here tonight, and Jamie Shaie has been PERFECTLY amazing. I've been staying at her house. We pulled out the couch bed and I've been chilling on it. I am so blessed to have so many close friends. Part of me really wants to be alone, but part of me never wants to be alone again. It's a pretty obnoxious tug of war going on in my head...